Growing Pains
by unnamedconspirator
Summary: Before Meredith Grey became a doctor, before Olivia Benson became an SVU detective, two people unwanted by their mothers struggle with the reality that some things never change, and the only thing that can change is themselves.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** I've wanted to put these characters together for some time so here it is... a prequel of sorts. Before Meredith Grey became a doctor, before Olivia Benson became an SVU detective, two people unwanted by their mothers struggle with the reality that some things never change, and the only thing that can change is themselves.

 **Disclaimer: These Characters belong to Shondaland and Wolf Productions. Not me. I make no money off this fic.**

 **New York City 1996**

"Got my coffee?" Olivia asked as she leaned against the door of the patrol car.

"'Course," Her rookie partner Mikey D'Angelo handed her the hot paper cup.

"Thanks," she smirked, taking a sip. "God I hate graveyard shift." She plopped in the drivers seat and slid the coffee into the beverage holder.

"Well it's a Friday, so there'll probably be lots of action tonight."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. Mikey didn't realize what he was getting into. "It's Friday, and school's out for summer, you know what that means?"

"What?"

"Breaking up a lot of house parties. Hope you like the smell of vomit."

"Serious?"

She popped the key into the ignition and started the car. Time to start patrol. "And urine. Gonna be a long night Mikey, settle in."

"Damn."

xxx

So far it hadn't been too bad, they'd broken up a couple parties, resolved a domestic dispute, and assisted in finding an old man who'd wandered off and gotten lost. Mikey had proven to be a decent partner, if not a little naive. It was almost three a.m and Olivia considered making another coffee stop. They were halfway through the shift, maybe it wouldn't be so bad afterall.

"Oh, check that out," Mikey said, pointing out the passenger side window. A group of about twenty young people gathered on the front lawn of a two-storey house. Loud music emanated from inside, and a plethora of bottles and cans littered the ground. Olivia hit the siren for a few quick whoops, scattering the majority of the group.

She pulled the car up to the sidewalk and got out. "Call it in, D'Angelo"

He muttered the code for a disturbance on the radio, and the two of them approached the house, ignoring the surly gazes of the few that remained. The front door was wide open, so Olivia marched right up to it. "Police! Who lives here?" She demanded. She was met with empty looks, nobody wanted to own up. "Who's place is this?"

"Alright," Mikey said, his hand casually resting on his belt, "If you don't live here, scram, or I'll card you all. How many of you are twenty-one huh?"

Several of them mumbled and shuffled out. Olivia hit the power button on the stereo. She revelled in the silence that followed. But it didn't last.

"Get off me!" A woman yelled from upstairs. "I said no!"

Olivia shot a look to her partner and jogged to the staircase. "Police!" She called out. "Stop what you're doing!" Her feet pounded hard up the steps and she quickly ascertained sounds of a struggle from the second door on the right. She grabbed the knob and pushed the door open, thankful the door wasn't locked. She'd definitely interrupted something.

The young man was pulling his pants on, looking obviously flustered and nursing a bruise on the left side of his face. The woman, or girl more like, leaned against the dresser half dressed and distraught. She looked at Olivia with a mixture of fear and relief. Olivia took another second to examine the scene around her. On the floor was a half empty bottle of cheap tequila. A pair of woman's jeans lay discarded by the bed, along with a black t-shirt she presumed to be the man's.

"Nothing happened," the girl said quickly. She clutched at her tank top, revealing red knuckles. "I was just leaving..." She wobbled over to the bed and bent down slowly to pick up her jeans. It was clear that she was quite intoxicated.

"I didn't do anything." The guy said, raising his palms up. "We were... and she said no, so..." His face flushed and he looked downward.

"Uh huh." Olivia said, skeptical.

"Everything okay up here?" Mikey called. Olivia waved him into the room.

"Is this your house?" Olivia asked the man.

"Uh... it's my parents."

"Where's your parents?"

"Vacationing in the Hamptons."

"What's your name?"

"Sean Perry."

"Okay Sean, you're going to go into the next room and talk to my partner D'Angelo about how you got that bruise over your eye, and what you're doing allowing a minor drink alcohol in your home."

"Oh... Okay." He brushed his short sandy hair with his hand and walked past Olivia. Mikey followed him, looking concerned.

Olivia watched him go and sighed. As she updated dispatch on the situation, she kept her eye on the lone figure in the room. When she was done, she took a couple steps forward. "Care to tell me what happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened, okay?"

"Something happened. Let's just start at the begining. What's your name?"

"Meredith."

xxx

 **A/N** I was originally going to write this as a one-shot, but I think I can keep this going for a few more chapters...

Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Meredith is 18, Olivia 29.

"Meredith," Olivia said. "You have a last name?"

"It doesn't matter, nothing happened..."

"What happened to your hand?"

Meredith looked at it and winced, "oh." She carefully stepped into her jeans and pulled them on.

"Sean has a pretty nice bruise... he could have you charged for assault. Unless it was self defence. Was it?"

Olivia sensed the girl wasn't from around here, she looked like she would bolt any second. So she parked herself against the doorway and crossed her arms. There was no escape. "You can talk to to me."

"Look, nothing happened okay? I did the same stupid crap I always do. I got drunk, really drunk... I made out with some guys at the party... then I didn't feel too well so I came here to lay down." She slumped on the bed and cradled her hand. "He got the wrong idea and followed me. I was kinda out of it until he pulled my pants off. I freaked out and yelled at him. Guess I hit him too." She sighed and pushed her long dirty blonde hair out of her eyes. "Can I go? I have to go."

Olivia considered what she heard. It seemed plausible, and Meredith didn't appear overly traumatized, although Olivia was sure she was still quite intoxicated. "Let me talk to my partner. Stay here." She stepped out of the room and into the hallway. Hearing Mikey's voice in the other room she hovered at the doorway.

"So she hit you?" Mikey was saying.

"Yeah, ow!" Sean grimaced as he touched his bruised cheek. "But I don't blame her, I wasn't really thinking... I thought she wanted it."

"Well she didn't." Olivia interrupted.

"Look, she said no, and I stopped okay?"

"Mmm hmm." She glowered at him. "After she punched you."

"Whatever. Are you gonna arrest me or what?"

Olivia gestured for Mikey to meet her in the hall. "Okay, let's compare notes."

Her partner shrugged. "He saw her go upstairs, thought she wanted some action. Then she yelled and punched him. That's when we showed up."

Olivia sighed. "That's pretty much what she said too. Alright, give him as many fines as you can think of, and I'll see if Meredith wants to press charges."

"Sure thing."

"Meredith?" Olivia stepped into the room, but the girl was gone. "Damn." She walked to the window and looked out, not seeing anything. Something in the room caught her eye though, a small red jacket. She picked it up and felt a weight in the pocket. A wallet. Flipping it open she found Meredith's student ID and some cash. "Mikey, Let's go... we got a runner."

They rushed down the stairs and out the door to the car, Olivia scanning down the road. "She couldn't have gotten far."

Mikey sighed and slammed the door to the car as he got in.

"What?" asked Olivia.

"Nothing..."

Her sharp glare caused him to fidget, and Mikey sighed... "It's just-why don't we let her go? It's a busy night."

"She's drunk and vulnerable Mikey, we need to make sure she's okay. Besides, she's not a local. She's from Boston."

"Oh."

They drove in silence for a minute or two, heading in the direction of the nearest train station. The neighborhood was too far from main roads to hail a taxi, so if Meredith wanted to get anywhere, she'd have to head for the train. Olivia's trained eyes spotted her half a block ahead, her small frame zig-zagging and stumbling along the sidewalk. The patrol pulled up to the sidewalk and drove slowly beside her. Mikey rolled down the window. "Hey, going somewhere?" he asked.

Startled, Meredith stopped.

"You left your jacket." Olivia parked and got out, walking around the front of the car. "C'mon, you're in no condition to be out here alone. We'll give you a ride. Are you staying with anyone here?"

Meredith swayed, bent slightly and held her hand to her stomach. Her body heaved and she puked all over the sidewalk, including the door of their car.

Mikey chuckled, "Looks like she got your shoes."

"Shut up," she said. "Give me her jacket."

He handed it to her through the window and Olivia threw it over the younger woman's shoulders. She helped her into the backseat, surprised that the previously fiesty woman offered no resistance.

"Where are we taking you? Is there someone we can call?"

"No."

"No?"

"Just... the bus station."

"It's three a.m. We're not dropping you off at the bus station."

"Drunk tank it is," Mikey piped up.

"You wanna spend the morning filling out D-Twelves Mikey?"

"Uh, no."

"Then give the girl a break." She turned to Meredith. "Let's get you sobered up a little."

xxx

The Diner was small but cozy. It was the usual cop hangout during a night like this. Olivia nudged Meredith into a booth and sat across from her. Luckily her annoying partner had sidled up to another pair of police officers as they swapped stories. The waitress arrived and Olivia ordered two waters, two coffees, and a large plate of fries. While they waited, she took her time to size up the girl. Meredith was tiny. More so in the protective pose she held herself in. But her steely gaze and previous attitude proved Meredith was stronger than she looked. Maybe this would be one of those moments where Olivia could help her.

The coffee and water arrived, the waitress mumbled fries were on the way. Meredith gulped down half the glass of water and wiped her lips with the back of her hand.

"How's the hand?" Olivia asked.

"Fine."

"What are you doing in New York? You're from Boston aren't you?"

Meredith didn't answer. Instead she grabbed about five packets of sugar and tore them open. The finely granulated sugar was poured into her tiny cup of coffee as she stirred.

"Look, I get it," Olivia started, this was her time to connect with the teenager. "You don't talk when bad things happen, I know. But this is the time, you know. You're eighteen, you're growing up. It's time to learn from your mistakes."

"That wasn't a mistake." Meredith mumbled.

"What?" Olivia asked, confused.

Meredith's light grey eyes looked at her with stunning sobriety. "I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to make out... I wanted to forget. The party? Not a mistake." She shook her head. "No. The _mistake_ was thinking that my mother would be proud of me on my graduation. The _mistake_ was thinking that she'd want to be there to see me get my diploma and throw my hat in the air or whatever. That was my mistake.

"Oh," she laughed, "And then I stupidly think she _wants_ to see me when she calls from her hotel in New York and tells me that she was nominated for another Harper Avery award. So I show up, you know... at the gala. I even wear a freaking dress and make-up and crap, and borrow high heels from my suckup next door neighbor who worships me for some dumb reason..." She trailed off, her fingers tapping on the mug. She hadn't even taken a sip. At some point during her monologue, the waitress supplied fries to the table. Meredith picked one up and took a bite. "My mother didn't even look at me. She waved me away after she told me I was an embarrasment to even be there." She finished the fry and picked up another. "At least the guys at the party wanted me..."

Olivia opened and closed her mouth, not sure what to say. Discussing mothers wasn't entirely her strong suit. Her mother was an abusive alcoholic who resented her very birth. Because to her mother, Olivia was a reminder of the horrible, evil, disgusting thing that happened to her some twenty-nine years ago. She remembered the way her mother looked at her sometimes. Especially when she was drunk. Like she wanted to snuff out her daughter's existance. _I wish you'd never been born,_ her mother told her constantly. _You're lucky I kept you. You should be grateful you're alive._

Finally she sighed. "Some mothers don't know how to love... but that doesn't mean you have to punish yourself for it. I can tell you're a bright girl, you have a whole life ahead of you, don't waste it on immature boys and alcohol. Trust me, it isn't worth it."

"Maybe in my head I know that, but I'm too messed up to care." Meredith took a long drink of her coffee.

"I understand, Meredith, I know what it's like to have a mother that doesn't love you the way you deserve. But you can build your own life, be your own person, love yourself..."

"That why you became a cop?"

"I needed something bigger than me and my problems." She gave a half truth, she wanted to be a cop for reasons much deeper than that. "Something I could be proud of for myself."

"I'm thinking about being a doctor."

"See?" Olivia said proudly. That's what Meredith needed, to strive for something that she could make her own path in.

"My mother's a doctor. World class surgeon. Legendary Dr. Grey."

Olivia's hope for Meredith crumbled. "You're completely missing my point..." Olivia argued. She wanted her to do this for her own sake, not her mother's.

"No, I get your point... it's just- she's all I have, okay? She's all I've got. Me and her. I would do anything for her to just be proud of me for just a minute. That's just me."

"What are you going to do when it's not enough?"

Meredith looked down and picked at the hem of her sleeve, "It's got to be enough."

Sympathy for the girl ebbed from her, and Olivia decided not to push it anymore. They finished their drinks and fries in silence until Olivia's cellphone rang. She picked it up, "Officer Benson," she answered crisply. She listened for a couple minutes to the person on the other end of the line. "I'm on my way." She stood up abruptly and threw a few bills on the table. Across from her Mikey sat alone, chewing a club sandwhich. "C'mon," she motioned to her partner while helping Meredith up. "We have to go, it's my mother."

xxx

 **A/N:** Would love to hear what you think... crossover fics don't get a lot of attention... kindly review!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** : Wow! Thanks for the amazing response everyone! I really like how this next chapter turned out. Enjoy!

Meredith sighed as she rested her head against the cold glass of the car window. She was in a cop car. A freaking cop car! She watched her breath fog the window before it disappeared. Her head throbbed, her stomach ached and these cops didn't know how to drive. Any minute she would hork all over the backseat and then she'd have to deal with vomit smell. Not fun.

She just wanted to go home.

The car stopped suddenly and she clutched her stomach and swallowed. The girl cop, what was her name? Olivia? Got out suddenly, "stay here," she said to her partner, slamming the door.

Meredith winced and looked out the window at the apartment building they were parked at. "What's happening?" she asked the other cop. She couldn't recall his name either, but didn't really care. If she was a little less drunk she'd probably be flirting with him shamelessly though, he was pretty hot.

"Ah, my partner's gotta deal with her drunk ma," he said.

"Oh." Meredith swallowed again trying to hold back the nausea. It wasn't going to work. She unfastened her seatbelt and felt around for the door latch. She needed air... but she was in a cop car and she couldn't open the door, "I need air, I'm gonna..." She swallowed again.

The cop turned around and looked at her in panic. "Wait, just hold on!"

A second later, the door opened and she felt the cool night air brush her sweaty face. She turned and pulled herself up, then she retched. "Sorry," she said weakly as she wiped her mouth.

"It's okay."

"What's your name again?"

"Mikey."

"Mikey." Meredith nodded. "Could I just stay out here for a few minutes?"

Mikey glanced protectively around, and shrugged. Meredith leaned against the car and breathed. The younger cop reached in his side of the car and handed her a bottle of water. She rinsed her mouth and spat the water onto the pavement before guzzling more of the water. "So what's with your partner?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"She went like, all big sister on me."

Mikey sighed. "I don't know, this is my third day with her. But she's one of the best in the squad."

As if to highlight his remark, there was the sound of glass breaking from the apartment above, followed by shouting.

"Crap," Mikey said, his hand dropping to the grip of his gun. "Stay here!" and he ran to the door of the apartment building. Olivia left it propped open, just in case.

Meredith watched him go, then she stared up at the shattered window. She bit her lip. Well she wasn't just gonna stand here, she was in New York after all... Besides, she was still quite drunk, and feeling very impulsive. She pushed herself off the car and wandered into the apartment.

It wasn't hard to figure out where the trouble was, all she had to do was listen to the shouting. Hateful, rage induced shouting. She walked carefully down the hall, and the shouting became more enunciated.

"I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!"

"Mother!" Olivia's voice echoed throughout the floor.

 _CRASH!_

 _"_ Olivia?" Mikey's voice was fearful and unsure.

"Stay outta this Mikey!"Olivia barked.

Meredith neared the end of the hallway, where the open apartment door revealed Olivia's frame as she stood holding her hands up, "Mother... Please!"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY THIS IS?"

"I know, but Mother, it's over!"

 _Crash!_ Meredith saw Olivia clutch her head and slump against the wall. _Holy crap!_ But she couldn't tear herself away... she found herself drawn toward the action. She heard Mikey talking now, trying to calm the unseen spiteful woman. Meredith walked into the apartment, her first concern being Olivia. Blood was pouring from her head. She crouched down, checking the wound. Glass from a beer bottle was imbedded into her forehead. "Olivia?" She held her head in her palms. Olivia's eyes flickered open and she winced. "What? Meri-"

"Oh my God! She's not breathing!" Mikey's shakey and terrified voice cried out.

Meredith whipped around to see Mikey crouched over an older woman. Figuring Olivia was in better shape than her mother, Meredith stumbled over to where Mikey was standing.

He was panicking, looking at the woman on the floor and back at Olivia. Meredith shoved him aside and fell on her knees, bending over the woman to feel for a breath. Her fingers trailed along the woman's arm to her wrist and she tried to feel for a pulse. It was weak, barely pushing against her fingers. "Call an ambulance!" She ordered.

Mikey, pullled from his state of shock radioed for a bus. "She just- she just collapsed," he said. "What's wrong with her?"

"Alcohol poisoning." Meredith recognized the signs. She pulled down the chin, opening the mouth to check for obstructions. "She's still not breathing. I have to start CPR. "

"What... What can I do?"

"Uh..." Meredith suddenly realized she was in charge. _How strange._ She wasn't the take charge person. Usually she was the screw-up. _Crap. This guy's gonna pee his pants or something._ "Get a towel- go- go help your partner," She growled as she started compressions. _One-two-three-four-five- breathe. Once-two-three-four-five- C'mon lady, breathe!_

The next few minutes were a blur for her. She kept the compressions going- and then the lady jerked, coughing and gasping for air. She moaned, but still remained unconcsious. Meredith rolled her on her side into the recovery position in case she vomited. Which she did only seconds later. Afterwhich Meredith checked her mouth again for obstructions and checked the pulse again. It was stronger this time, and Meredith sighed with relief.

She looked up and saw Olivia holding a blood soaked tea towel on her forehead, looking down on her with a concerned gaze "Umm, my mother always insisted on first aid training?" she offered in her alcohol haze. Behind Oliva, men in dark blue uniforms appeared. Someone was asking her questions, but she felt dizzy and nauseas. "I think maybe I should..." She closed her eyes and laid down on the carpet. She was just so tired.

xxx

Her head was pounding. Could someone please make the world stop? Meredith wondered. She blinked, and her eyes hurt from the pain of the light on her dialated pupils. "Ohhh." She quickly shut her eyelids. Darkness was good.

"Meredith?"

"Am I in the hospital?" There was that distinctive antiseptic smell, and the scratchy feel of crisp brand new cotton sheets under her.

"Yes."

"Crap. Who are you again?" she asked, even if she thought she knew. Her brain was downloading the night's events at dial-up speed. _Rejection. Party. Stupid drunk guy. Cops. Fries. Car. Blood..._

"It's Olivia," the voice was soft.

 _Oh yeah, fake big sister._ She blinked again, and saw Olivia's bandaged face. "Your head..."

"I'm fine. It's superficial."

A memory flashed of Olivia's glazed eyes as she cupped her head to examine the wound. "Good," Meredith said, swallowing. "That lady..."

"They had to pump her stomach, but she'll be fine."

"That's... good." Something nagged at her, "She's your mother?"

Olivia gave a grim smile, "Yeah, she's my mother, and you saved her life."

Meredith eyed the older woman carefully, there was something dark in her eyes, she didn't know what, or why. It just felt unsettling. She chose to ignore it. Olivia's problems weren't hers. She sighed and sat up a little more in the bed. "I want to go home."

"You passed out, they're giving you some fluids."

"How long do I have to be here?"

"They called your mother, she's still here in New York. She's coming."

Meredith sat up in alarm, "What?"

 **A/N**... Next chapter, enter Ellis... DUN DUN DUN!

Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

"Meredith Grey!"

Meredith cringed at the sharp authoritarian voice that barked through the curtain. She sat on the edge of the bed, her converse covered feet swinging nervously. Her sweater offered no warmth and she shuddered. Mentally she began to build her walls again.

The curtain whipped open, revealing her mother, Ellis Grey, her auburn hair pulled in a loose bun, accentuating the downward curve of her lips. Even at six o'clock in the morning, she still managed to look striking "Somehow, wherever I go, my own daughter never ceases to be nothing short of a humiliation."

"Mom..." Meredith started, tucking blonde locks behind an ear.

Ellis shook her head, "Did you even manage to keep your pants on this time?"

Meredith visibly flushed with shame, the night's events burned into her mind, "I-"

"Nevermind, I don't want to know. Really Meredith, I thought I raised you to have a little more respect for yourself."

Meredith swallowed thickly. She would not cry. Crying meant weakness. Surgeons weren't weak. Besides, it was her mother's fault. If her mother was even capable of loving her the way she needed, she wouldn't feel compelled to seek attention elsewhere. Meredith jutted her chin out. She wouldn't give her the satisfacton.

But Ellis' sharp eyes noticed Meredith's sprained fingers. She clutched her daughter's wrist in an almost motherly gesture. "What did you do to your fingers?"

"She defended herself," Olivia said, approaching the bed. Meredith sat up a little straighter, feeling a tiny morsel of pride. She'd forgotten about the officer's presence.

"Really?" Ellis turned to the cop, "Good for her, not that I have any faith in the NYPD anymore... Taking my daughter on a ride-along? Allowing her to endanger herself while your incompetant rookie stumbles about? I have half a mind to sue the force for endangerment."

"Mother..." Meredith hissed. It wasn't the cop's fault. She willingly flung herself into the situation, _and_ she had saved a life, dammit.

Ellis ignored Meredith's weak attempt to defend Olivia, "Nurses talk," she continued, her grey eyes boring into Olivia's intense brown.

Olivia stepped forward, "Your daughter saved a life," she said passionately.

"I'm surprised you trusted her to not screw that up to begin with." Ellis remarked. With a wave of her hand, she dismissed Olivia. "I don't have time for this," she said, glancing at her watch. "I have a flight to make in an hour for a consult at the Mayo. I'm going to call and book you the next flight to Boston, Meredith."

"Okay," Meredith rasped. Again, her mother's work took priority over her. At this moment, it was probably a good thing. Maybe her mother would forget about the whole thing.

Ellis turned to Meredith and pointed a stern finger at the girl. "Don't you think this is over, young lady, we still have to discuss your college plans. Pre-med? Do you really have what it takes to be a doctor?" She shook her head slightly and huffed as she walked away from Meredith's small form.

Meredith released a breath in a loud exhalation. "The legendary Dr. Grey..." She muttered to her fake big sister, allowing an eyeroll, "She has ways..."

"Will you be okay?," Olivia asked.

"Fine." She was always fine. After she slept off her hangover of course.

Meredith learned long ago to expect this and to not let it get to her. At least not externally. Internally her heart burned with unresolved feelings of anger and abandonment. She'd saved a life today. A _freakin'_ life! Didn't that mean something? Wasn't that worth a pat on the back? An 'atta girl?' But why? Why did she even allow herself to hope for such things? She had to learn... one day she would learn not to get her hopes up that someone actually wanted her.

"I'll be just fine," she murmured, shoving all her feelings into that nice little hole in her heart that she would release at the next party or tequila binge.

The _click-clack_ of heels caused Meredith to look up. Ellis stopped a few feet away from her. "Your flight is booked. Nine o'clock, you can pick up your ticket at the airport. No more of this foolishness." With a nod to her daughter, she spun on her heel in the direction of the exit.

"Goodbye Mom," Meredith called out like a small child, eager for attention.

Ellis stopped and turned her head slightly to the sound of her daughter's voice. "Goodbye Meredith," she said over her shoulder, and then she was gone.

"Officer Benson?" A nurse asked.

"Yeah," Olivia turned to the nurse.

"Your Mother's awake. You can see her now."

Olivia nodded. She looked over at Meredith, "Well, like I said... thanks."

Meredith shrugged slightly, as if her actions were no big deal. She watched Olivia saunter down the hall to her own mother. Despite her tiredness however, Meredith's curiosity got the better of her, and she scrambled after the police officer. She had a patient to check on.

xxx

"Olivia?"

Olivia stared down at her mother Serena. She'd forgotten about the date today. If she had remembered, she would never have answered that call. But she'd been distracted by the rookie these last few days. She hadn't worked a night shift in three months, and the adjustment threw her off her game. Inwardly she cursed. She was better than this. She'd regretted leaving Meredith in Mikey's care. Ellis had a point. Meredith shouldn't have been there. Olivia shouldn't have been there.

But as quickly as these thoughts entered, she dismissed them. She didn't dwell on things like this. Instead she focused on the present moment. Her mother weakly gazing at her from her hospital bed. "Hey," she said softly.

"I messed up," Serena said. Her gaze shifted to the bandage on Olivia's forehead.

"Yeah, you did." Olivia swallowed, she would not allow her anger to seep through. Her mother threw a bottle at her. Only a month ago, she'd been sober. They went to dinner. Things were fine... well as fine as any relationship with her alcoholic mother could be. But as usual this time of year, her mother spiraled down.

"I'm sorry." Her mother whispered. She reached for Olivia's hand. Her mother's clammy fingers squeezed her hand, but she did not return the squeeze.

"I know."

Olivia wasn't ready to forgive her mother. Bitter memories of her mother's abuse flashed to mind. As a teen, Olivia had fallen for a man that she thought could take her away from it all, but her Serena had threatened her with the jagged edge of a broken bottle. Since then, she'd been determined to escape her mother.

But she couldn't. Her mother had been raped thirty years ago. And she, Olivia Benson was the product of that rape. Serena never let her forget it. Tonight was the anniversary of that horrible act, and like every year as far as she could remember, her mother broke down.

She understood that her mother had been a victim, just like people she rescued everyday. Like Meredith had almost been. Olivia knew that. Yet at the same time, she didn't understand how a _mother_ could hate her child.

It wasn't her fault. There was no one to blame except the rapist. But her mother couldn't get past it, and Olivia was sentenced to a life of staring into eyes of darkness and hate, as Serena was reminded of the reason for her daughter's existance. "Mom, what he did to you wasn't your fault..." Olivia leaned in, her eyes pleading with her mother, "Why can't you let it go?"

Serena turned her head away from her daughter, "You'll never understand..."

"Try me." The words came unbidden from her mouth. Apparently the Grey's directness rubbed off on her.

But Serena only shook her head and laughed bitterly. "I don't ever want you to understand..." she said. "You come in, wearing your uniform and your badge... do you really think you can fix things? Help people? Nobody helped me... Nobody _cared._ "

"I care." Olivia said. She did. It was why she chose to be a cop, she cared about people in pain, people victimized.

Her mother sighed, "Maybe you do, Olive," She said, calling her by her nickname, "Maybe too much."

Olivia frowned at her mother's comment. "What do you mean by that?"

Serena shook her head. "I just want to forget... I want to forget, and then I see you-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Olivia straightened. "Right then. I'll see you later. I left some cash with the nurses for a taxi for when you get discharged." She patted her mother's hand and walked out the door, emotionally spent. Nothing she did could fix her mother. Olivia just had to accept that. She didn't know if she could, it felt that everyday she tried to fix her mother, in one form or another. If she could fix her mother, maybe she could fix herself.

Pushing the bathroom door open, she walked to the sink and splashed cold water on her face.

She just wanted to go home.

As she left the bathroom, she saw Meredith talking to her mother. "What are you doing in here?"

xxx

 **A/N** What do you think? Please Review!


	5. Growing Pains 5

Olivia glared at Meredith, the young woman who had spoken to her mother. What was she doing here? Who did she think she was? "Well?" she asked.

"I... um, just wanted to check on her."

"Mmhm," Olivia nodded slighty and crossed her arms. She looked past Meredith to her mother appeared shaken. Something Meredith had said bothered her.

"It was nothing. I'm sorry," she said. She was genuinely apologetic.

Olivia glanced at her mother. Serena lay on her side, turned away from them now.

Meredith went to go past Olivia, but she grabbed her elbow. "I'll drive you to the airport."

"Oh, that's okay, I can get a taxi." Meredith tried to brush her off.

"No, we're not gonna screw this up too. I'm driving you." Olivia was determined to get her to her flight.

"Bossy much?" Meredith snarked.

"Hungover much?" Olivia retorted, glaring at her.

"Oh please... this is nothing, I've had-" Olivia squeezed a little harder on her upper arm and Meredith shut up.

xxx

In the car, Olivia glanced beside her at Meredith for the third time. She wanted to know what she could possibly have said to her mother that would shake her up so much.

"Stop looking at me." Meredith snarled.

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing." Meredith crossed her arms.

"Whatever you said, it upset her, what did you say?"

Meredith ignored her and stared out the window. They were on the bridge now, and traffic was moving slowly. Olivia tried a different tactic, "Your mother is a piece of work... but I still don't get why you want to be like her," she commented.

"I never said I want to be _like_ her," she said. "I just want her to be proud of me."

"So you applied for pre-med? Sounds like you want to be like her."

Meredith shrugged, "She wants me to be extraordinary. She doesn't think I can be. I like to prove people wrong. Hospitals, medicine, that's what I know. Hell she bought me a suture kit when I was ten. I think I can do it."

Olivia considered that, she remembered her own conversations with her mother about college. Her mother was bewildered that she chose criminology. Why not law? Or Business? But Olivia had demons to fight. Meredith too, was fighting her demons. "I went to college," she said. "It's a great experience."

"Yeah?"

The cop gave a genuine smile, "You meet a lot of people, make friends from all over the world, learn from amazing teachers..."

"I am kinda excited about it," Meredith said, smiling now too. "I hated high school, so glad it's over."

"Hmm."

They drove in silence for awhile, and Olivia guessed they would be at the airport in about twenty minutes. She still wanted to know...

Meredith seemed to read Olivia's mind, "Look, I'm sorry I upset your mom," she blurted. "I went in to check on her, I thought she was sleeping. She woke up and asked me who I was...

 _"Who are you?" The older woman turned in her bed slightly._

 _"Hi, um... I'm nobody really, I was at the apartment when you passed out and I wanted to make sure you were okay." Meredith said, looking sadly at the woman._

 _She shook her head, "I'm not okay. Please leave me alone."_

 _Meredith took a breath of air for courage, "Why do you hate her so much? Why do you not want her?"_

Meredith stopped and looked carefully at Olivia and shook her head, "No. I can't say any more. I'm not saying anything else."

"Meredith, there's nothing you can say that I haven't heard before."

"She said... you reminded her of her rapist." Meredith whispered, her face flushing. "But you knew that already."

"Yeah..." Olivia said quietly. Her earlier anger at Meredith disappeared now. She couldn't believe her mother had said that.

"That's why you're a cop, isn't it?"

Olivia nodded. "That's a big reason, I guess." They were arriving at the airport now. Olivia turned into the drop-off lane.

"I told her... it shouldn't matter... I told her that if she was brave enough to have you, she should be brave enough to want you. And then you came in." Meredith sighed heavily. "I shouldn't have asked her that. I should have kept my mouth shut. It's just-"

The psychology of the situation became clear to Olivia, "You wanted to ask the same question of your mother..." she murmured.

"Stupid right? My mom wants surgery, and awards and prestige. She wants to be extraordinary. But she doesn't want _me_."

Olivia parked the car and checked her mirrors. Thankfully people wouldn't question a patrol car parked here. She turned and studied Meredith carefully. They weren't so different. At first she thought Meredith was spoiled, unfocused and riding on the coattails of her mother's success. Meredith hadn't been beaten or emotionally abused like her, but the damage was the same. It wasn't the time for 'get a grip' speeches... or 'you deserve better.' In the space of a sentence, Meredith broke her heart and put it back together again. _I told her that if she was brave enough to have you, she should be brave enough to want you._

Meredith was reaching for the door handle, glancing through the window at the entrance of JFK.

"Wait..." Olivia said. She reached and held the girl in a half hug. Meredith crumpled under her arm, the contact more significant than any words she could offer. "Meredith, it doesn't have to be this hard."

After a minute, Meredith sniffed and wiped her eyes. Her expression changed from vulnerable to stony once again. "Thanks... for everything," She mumbled. And a second later she was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**New York, December 2000**

Olivia stared at her Mother's gravestone... She felt empty. She was now seeking justice for victims of sexual and heinous crimes everyday. But now she couldn't bring news of justice to her mother.

She wondered when it happened, when it slipped. When her mother finally beat the last shred of care Olivia had for her. It had been gradual, she knew. Small drops every day, and she never even noticed until now. "I'm sorry," She said. "I could've- I should've done more..." Yes, she mourned the loss of a _life,_ but today she grieved the loss of _feeling_. She bent and traced her mother's name on the gravestone. After a moment, she pushed herself up and sighed heavily. It was time to go to work. If she couldn't save her mother from falling down some stairs, perhaps she could help a victim and prevent people from becoming like her mother.

Olivia brushed past the uniformed officers in the hallway and walked into the Squad room on the way to her locker.

"Liv, what are you doing here?" Captain Cragen asked.

"What does it look like? I'm working." She opened her locker and grabbed her badge, clipping it on her belt.

"Your Mother just died."

Olivia blinked slowly. That was five days ago. It was done. She was done mourning. "I'm fine Captain, I just want to work today."

"Fine, but I'm giving you an easy case,"

"What? Captain, I-"

"If you want to work today, you'll take this... Everyone else is busy."

Olivia huffed, "What is it?"

Cragen handed her a manila folder. "Missing Person. She has Alzheimers."

Olivia glanced at the file, barely looking at it, "Can't the uni's handle this?"

"We have a few on the ground, but there was a gunfight downtown and an officer was shot on fifth avenue, so they're pulling everybody."

"Fine," She sighed.

"Good. Let me know how it goes."

xxx

Olivia pulled up to the brownstone, the apparent address of the woman. A moving truck was parked in front, and the door to the house was open. Before getting out, she looked at the file again.

 _Dr. Ellis Grey_

 _DOB: October 4 1952_

 _Hair Color: Brown, shoulder length_

 _Eyes: Grey or Green_

 _Height: 5'7''_

 _Skin Color: Caucasian_

Paperclipped to the page was a head shot of the woman, and Olivia was sure she'd seen this face before. Sighing, she got up and marched to the door. She knocked loudly. "Hello? NYPD," she called out. Hesitating, she took a few small steps in.

"One minute!" Someone called back. Olivia heard some shuffling and scuffing. Suddenly a hispanic woman stepped out, "I already spoke to the cops."

"I understand that, but I want to hear it again, I'm offering a fresh perspective to the case. Tell me about Dr. Grey. Who are you, what's your relationship to her?"

The woman huffed. "I'm her maid, and I look out for her when she's here."

"When she's here?"

"She's mostly in Boston, but she kept this place when she had work up here. Not that it matters anymore. She's selling the place and staying with her daughter in Boston."

"Her daughter?"

"Meredith. I called her and left a message, I think she's already on the plane here."

"Okay, so did you know that Ellis was diagnosed with Alzheimers?"

The maid sighed, "I just found out a month ago. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"Anywhere you think she might be?"

The maid shook her head. "She just ran out. We were getting ready to move when she said she had a surgery."

"A surgery?"

"Yeah the police said that they would check all the hospitals..."

Olivia now had an inkling of where she could start. "Okay... when Meredith gets here, have her call me. Stay here in case Ellis comes back." Olivia handed the maid her card and headed out the door.

She sat in her car and pulled up the location of the nearest hospital. As she did, someone knocked on the window of her car. "Mikey?" she asked, looking at the familiar face.

"Yeah... what are you doin' here Liv?"

"I'm working on this case."

"The crazy lady?"

"Yeah, I think she went to Bellvue, wanna come?"

"Sounds like fun."

Olivia unlocked the door and let her old rookie partner in. Except he wasn't a rookie anymore. They rode in comfortable silence. Finally Mikey spoke up. "Bellvue... I think that's where they took that cop that got shot."

"Oh..."

"There was a couple other guys shot too. Gonna be a full house in there."

"Well hopefully we can find her."

"Ellis Grey... sounds familiar."

"Remember that night, four years ago, you were a fresh faced newbie... I had to go to my mother's apartment?"

"Yeah..."

"Remember that girl who came with us?"

"Yeah."

"Ellis is her mom."

"Oh."

Olivia had made the connection when the maid had mentioned Meredith's name. She remembered the young girl performing CPR on her mother, she remembered the small crumpled form leaning against her when Olivia hugged her before she got on the plane to Boston. And she resolved right there that she would take care of Ellis today. Today, she would find her and keep her safe for Meredith.

They pulled up to the Emergency entrance at Bellvue. Ambulances and Police cars were all around. The chaos on fifth avenue had gone from the streets to the hospital. She quickly parked in a discreet location and jogged into the building, a picture of Ellis in hand. Mikey came behind her. "What's the plan?" He asked. She handed him the picture, "Get someone to make a few dozen photocopies and hand them out. Let the officers here know too. If they're waiting for their friend to get out of surgery, maybe they can help. I'll check with the chief of staff and security."

"Got it," Mikey said, taking another look at the picture.

"And Mikey, she used to be a doctor, she might still think she is."

He nodded and ran in ahead of her.

Olivia went immediately to the front desk and had the head of security paged. As she was waiting, she scanned the orderly chaos of a busy ER. As she did so, she saw a familiar flash of auburn hair.

"I need you to lie down sir, I believe you may have some internal bleeding. Can someone get me an ultrasound?"

Upon hearing the voice, Olivia walked closer to the bed that the patient was lying on. Dr. Grey was palpating his abdomen. Suddenly a nurse appeared.

"Where's my ultrasound?" Ellis asked sharply.

"Um.. Ma'am?" The nurse asked. "You're not staff here... you're not suppposed to be diagnosing this man."

"What? How dare you? Do you know who I am? Call the Chief. But this man needs an ultrasound before he loses too much blood."

Olivia took this moment to step in. "Dr. Grey?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Can't you see I'm busy here? I have a patient." Dr. Grey placed a stethoscope over the man's chest to listen to his breathing. She looked at the man. "Do you feel flushed? Any heart palpitations?"

"Uh..." The patient glanced nervously between the nurse and Dr. Grey.

Olivia saw security approaching with who she presumed to be was the ER director. Not wanting to disrupt things further and cause a scene, she raised a hand as if to say 'got this' and carefully approached Dr. Grey. "Doctor?"

"I told you-"

"I understand." Olivia discreetly showed her badge. She pulled Ellis to the side. "Listen, that man is a suspect in the shooting, and if he's not in serious condition, the police would like to question him, is that alright?"

Ellis glared at the nurse, "As long as they get his ultrasound."

"Of course." Olivia nodded to the nurse, who huffed and went to get the equipment. "Now, Dr. Grey, don't you have a surgery you had to get to? You were in such a hurry this morning..."

"Right- thank you for reminding me. A Cholecystectomy. Or was it a colon resection? I can't remember. I had it written down here..." She reached into the pockets of her lab coat and came up empty. "Oh, where are my notes?" She checked her shirt pocket, and spun around frantically. "I..."

Olivia could see the evident panic in the woman, "I think I saw them over here," she said, guiding Ellis down the hall to a staffroom.

"Oh good."

They entered the room and Olivia closed the door. Ellis peered into the room and stopped. Confusion colored her face,"What am I doing here? What's happening?"

"Dr. Grey..." Olivia said softly. "Do you know where you are?"

"I..." She swallowed, and her face turned a shade paler. "I need to go home... I need to go home."

"Ellis, I'm a detective. Your maid called me this morning and reported you missing. She was worried because of your Alzheimer's. I can't take you home just yet, I need to take you to the station until your daughter gets here."

"I knew I couldn't trust that maid, but Meredith insisted," Ellis sat down, it was clear that the recent events had drained her.

Olivia sat beside her, "It's a good thing she did... with all the chaos going on it's a good thing I was sent to find you."

"The shooting."

"Yes."

"I don't know what came over me this morning. I've already resigned from performing surgery... but today-"

"You were moving and you got confused."

"You don't know what it's like- to have decades of knowledge and experience ingrained in you as surely as the abc's or the multiplication tables, but the instant you need to recall it?" Ellis shook her head. "I have lists and journals and calendars marking appointments and medications and things I am supposed to do- but my _mind_ forgets to even look at it. I can tell you in minute detail the steps to a very complicated surgery... but I can't even tell you how I got here today."

The detective sighed deeply, "I'm sorry..." she said sincerely.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," Ellis said. "Well, I suppose I will have to go with you."

xxx

"Hello?" Meredith called into the brownstone. "Margarita? Mom?" She plopped her bag by the door and took a few more hesitant steps in. What was going on? The moving truck was still outside the door, there was boxes everywhere still... she thought most of this would be done already.

"Oh Senorita! I am so glad you are here... did you get my message?" Margarita, the maid slash caregiver scurried into Meredith's view

"Uh... message?" Meredith reached into her coat pocket for her cellphone. She hadn't bothered to turn it on yet.

"Dr. Grey- she ran away this morning... out of the house- I couldn't stop her- she yelled at me and said she had a surgery to get to."

"What?"

"I called the police. You need to call them," Margarita handed her the business card.

Meredith stared at the card in shock. Of course this had to happen to her. They were supposed to pack and clean, and put the brownstone up for sale. Ellis would move permanently to Boston and Meredith could continue her studies at Dartmouth. That was the plan. That was the plan, but her mother had Alzheimers... and now nothing ever went according to plan when it involved her mother.

She turned her phone on and dialed. It rang twice before someone picked up, "Benson," The woman said.

"Hi, um this is Meredith Grey... I was told to call you, my mother went missing this morning?"

There was a short pause on the other end, and then Benson spoke, "Your mother is fine, we found her. But we need you to come down to the station."

"Oh."

"I'll text you the address."

Meredith clapped the phone shut and sighed. Was she in trouble? She couldn't get in trouble for this right?

xxx

Meredith navigated through the crowded police station to the SVU squadroom. She was surprised at the casual office feel it had. Nervously she scanned the area, unsure of what to do.

"Can I help you?" A middle aged man with thinning brown hair and a suit jacket asked.

"Um, I'm here for my mother, Ellis Grey? I was told she was here?"

"Oh... that's with Liv. This way," The man smiled slightly, "Don't worry, you're mom's in good hands... Liv's one of the best." She followed the man to a room that had the blinds pulled closed. He knocked on the door and opened it a crack speaking to the person inside. "Just wait here. Detective Benson will be right out to talk to you."

Meredith stood there, waiting. Finally the door opened and detective Benson exited. When she closed the door behind her, Meredith tried to look behind her, "Is my mom in there?"

"Yes, she's fine. But I want to talk to you first." She led her to a table and chair. "Do you remember me?"

Meredith huffed, how would she remember a cop from New York? Unless... she blinked. She might have been quite drunk, but saving someone's life and getting yelled at by her mother all in one night isn't something one forgets. "Oh, it's you," She said quietly.

Olivia looked different than Meredith remembered. Her hair was shorter, and she looked a little more polished than the patrol cop that gave her a ride four years ago. But there was something else in her gaze. It was harder, defiant.

"How are you?" Olivia asked.

"Fine, I'm fine..." She wasn't going to big-sister her again was she? Meredith picked at her fingernails.

"Ellis said you're going to med school."

"Yeah, Dartmouth."

"So you _are_ going to be a doctor."

Meredith offered the tiniest smile, "Yeah." She looked up at Olivia remembering a particular car ride to the airport, a particular confession. "How's your mom?"

Olivia's gaze darkened, she shook her head, "She uh, she died."

Meredith's jaw dropped and her mouth formed a small 'o'. "That's awful. I'm sorry."

"Thanks," Olivia said. "Listen, before I let Ellis go... I need to make sure that she's going to be taken care of."

Meredith jerked, almost like she'd been slapped. "You think I don't know how to take care of my own mother? You think I'm incompetent? Believe me, I know how to take care of my mother alright?"

"Then what is she doing here in New York, by herself? I found her in a hospital, hovering over a patient! What if she did something and was wrong? What then?"

"It's... I just-" Meredith stammered, her mouth opened and closed as she tried to think. "She's freakin' Ellis Grey! She does what she wants! I'm trying, I'm trying-"

"Try harder!"

Meredith flinched. She swallowed a lump and denied the tearful sob that was threatening to erupt. Instead she brought up her walls again. She didn't care anymore, that this cop knew her... that she had been involved in some dark secret of Olivia's life. Olivia didn't know her and she didn't have any right to twist the knife of guilt any further. "Try harder? What about _your_ mother? Did you try harder with her? Huh? Did you come home and find her dead on the floor because she choked on her own vomit?" Meredith bit down hard on her lip, stopping herself from saying any more. Olivia looked stricken and Meredith knew she'd hit a nerve.

The two women broke eye contact, and Meredith drew her arms around herself, "I'm trying," She said, "she's got a nurse, in Boston. But my Mother hasn't really accepted her disease yet, so... she doesn't always take her medication. Most days she's okay, but we have to take care of this stupid brownstone and she insisted on coming over and taking care of it herself," She rubbed the bridge of her nose, "She took off. I had exams, and I couldn't get here until now..."

"Okay..." Olivia said softly. She reached out to comfort Meredith but dropped her arm when Meredith didn't lean toward it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I know." Meredith could sense that Olivia's insistence was really about her own guilt over her mother's death, so she batted her angry thoughts away.

"She's asking for you, C'mon." Olivia opened the door.

Meredith stared at her mother. She hadn't seen her like this since she'd come back home from Europe. The usual strong, proud Ellis Grey sat hunched in her chair, a crumpled paper cup in her palms mirroring her own defeated posture. "Mommy?" Meredith asked.

Ellis' eyes flooded with relief, "Oh Meredith! Thank God you're here! I don't know what happened... I just- I need to go home Meredith. Take me home." Uncharacteristically, Ellis leaned into Meredith's side, accepting her embrace.

"Okay mom, let's go home."

"I just need you to sign some paperwork, Meredith." Olivia said.

"Sure... Mom, I'll be right back."

xxx

Olivia pointed in front of the line she needed Meredith to sign, and Meredith signed in a quick slanted scrawl. For a moment, Olivia observed the young woman. She was still the rebel, still defiant- but more grounded now. Her mother's illness grounded her and reality was all too real. She marveled at the irony of it all.

 _"She's all I have okay? She's all I've got."_ Meredith had told her four years ago... and now Meredith was all Ellis had.

"Olivia?"

She blinked and looked up at Meredith."Yes?"

"I shouldn't have said that... about your mother, I mean. I'm sorry."

Olivia nodded and patted Meredith's hand. "I know. You're doing your best."

"I'm scared."

Olivia looked at her in surprise, "Why?"

"One day... she's not going to recognize me. I'm scared for that day. I mean I shouldn't be right? I spent my whole life being second, being ignored and pushed away, and I learned to deal with it. I learned to just take whatever attention I could get- but one day, I'm gonna come home to visit her and..." Meredith's voice cracked and she looked away, "She won't recognize me. She won't know who I am... and if I ever accomplish anything- she'll never know, or I'll tell her and she won't remember."

Compassion filled Olivia. She didn't want to be in Meredith's shoes. In a twisted way, she thought about her own mother. What would it be like if her mother didn't recognize her? She actually wondered if it would be better... she would learn so much more about Serena. She wouldn't be that crushing reminder of pain and violence. She could be Olivia, and her mother would be Serena, and maybe they could actually enjoy each others company for once.

The detective looked back at Meredith, "Listen, if it helps... the whole time she was in the interview room with me, she talked about you. She asked for you. She told me she couldn't believe you were going to med school, but she was glad it was Dartmouth, because at least you had a chance. She was glad you were at least striving for something."

"She said that?"

Olivia nodded, "Yeah. I think... I think she's as scared as you are. That she'll forget you and she doesn't even know who you'll become."

Meredith nodded, "I never thought about it that way."

Now finished with the paperwork, Olivia guided Meredith back to the interview room. She opened the door, "Okay, you're free to go now."

"Finally." Ellis said. The broken look she held only moments before was gone, and she was the proud stubborn woman that Olivia first met. "Come Meredith, we have a lot to do. We don't have time to dawdle."

"I'll walk you out," Olivia offered as she followed them down the stairs. When they got to the bottom, Meredith stopped, and held her hand out at her side to stop Olivia.

She met Meredith's searching grey eyes."Olivia? This is going to sound stupid... don't take this the wrong way, but," Meredith sighed. "I can tell you're one of the best, or you will be... and it's crap what happened to your mom, and what she did to you, but don't turn into my mother... have a life. Have friends, because... well we all need someone don't we?"

"Meredith!" Ellis called.

Meredith whirled around at her mother's call and disappeared into the crowd.

That evening, Olivia was gathering things from her locker when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Captain Cragen behind her, leaning against a desk. "How'd it go?" He asked.

"Fine," Olivia smiled.

"Good." He said, but he remained there, watching her.

"Do you think I can do it?" She was hoping the Captain could read her mind. That she wouldn't have to spell it out.

"Do what?"

"Forgive my mother?" There was still bitterness there, her mother's resentment for her very existance caused her so much pain.

"Can you forgive yourself?"

The question flipped her on herself. She hadn't really thought of it before, "I..."

"For what it's worth, Liv, you're a good cop. You have good instincts, you have drive, you know how far you can go to get the answers you need. But this job gets to people... and forgiveness is the only way out."

She walked past her Captain, lost in thought. Could she love herself enough to let this go? She hoped one day she could.

 _We all need someone don't we?_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** This takes place during SVU 8X06 Infiltrated, when Olivia is undercover as an environmental activist. Except I've set the story in Seattle, not Portland. For Greys, this is after the house of candles but before Meredith asks Derek to move in. (Between season 4 and 5)

 **October 2006**

"Dr. Grey, you're needed in the pit." Bailey said, and Meredith sighed. She'd heard the news. The police decided to take down a group of activists and now they had to deal with the aftermath. So now the pit would be overrun with bumps and bruises and annoying cops. Great. She wanted a tumor, or a bleed. She wanted to cut into someone's body and fix things. It would take her mind off of her recurring nightmare of losing Derek.

She strode into the trauma room and a nurse handed her a chart, "Bed three, concussion, still unconscious."

Meredith took the clipboard and examined the info. What kind of name was Persephone? A hippie name for sure, she decided. She walked up to the bed, still taking in the information on the chart. Glancing at the patient on the bed, she noticed she was handcuffed to the side rail. "Why is my patient handcuffed?" she asked the nearby cop.

"None of your business ma'am,"

Meredith huffed. "Of course it's my business, she's going to wake up and not be too happy that she's chained to a bed. She'll want an explanation. And don't get me started on what you'll have to do if I need to order an MRI..."

The cop was nonplussed by her feisty attitude. "She's a suspect. That's all you need to know." He put his hands on his hips in a sort of swagger. Meredith rolled her eyes and set the clipboard on the patient's bed, reaching into her pocket for a penlight. That's when she noticed the patient. Besides the huge bruise on her head, she looked familiar... it couldn't be her, could it? What the heck? She finished her exam, but she was worried because Persephone wasn't waking up. She was about to order a head CT when there was a ruckus behind her. Bailey was pushing a gurney with a bleeding patient through the trauma bay. "Grey! A little help here!"

Meredith bolted into action, handing the clipboard to Lexie, who'd just stumbled in. "She needs a head CT, and page me with the results."

"Meredith - I-" Lexie started, but Meredith didn't hear anymore. She wanted in on a surgery.

xxx

Olivia winced. Her head was throbbing. She blinked, but the lights were too bright. "Mmm," she moaned.

"Persephone?" Someone asked.

Who's Persephone? Olivia thought. Oh right, _she_ was Persephone. God, how did she get into these messes? Catch the bad guy, that's all she wanted to do. She opened her eyes to see a young brunette doctor peering over her. "Ohh." she said again, reaching to feel her head. She winced at the sudden pain erupting from the bruise on her forehead. When she moved her left hand, it jerked, and she felt metal around her wrist. Handcuffed to the bed? What the hell?

"Persephone?" The doctor asked again. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit in the head."

The young doctor, and she was _young,_ smiled a little. "I'm Dr. Grey. You had quite a knock there, and you weren't waking up, so we ordered a head CT to confirm your concussion and it turns out you have a very minor bleed-"

"Bleed?" Olivia asked. What did that mean?

"A small blood vessel in your brain burst, but it should clot and resolve on it's own. You'll have a huge headache for awhile, and possibly some nausea and dizziness, but we've got you on some medications to alleviate most of those symptoms."

"Oh." Olivia said.

"We'll be monitoring you for at least twenty-four hours so you'll just have to sit tight for now."

"Oh," She said again. Something nagged at her though... Did that doctor just say that her name was Dr. Grey? "Dr. Grey..." she said aloud, "Any relation to Meredith?"

"Meredith?" Dr. Grey asked, "Oh, she's my sister. How do you know her?" She asked curiously.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but the other woman kept talking...

"I just met her like... a few months ago, I mean, I knew I had a half sister, but my dad- he didn't really talk about her much and so I never thought I'd actually really meet her, but then-"

"Lexie!" A voice snapped, startling Dr. Grey. Her eyes went wide as she turned around. "Meredith, I didn't know you knew Persephone..."

Olivia peered over Lexie's shoulder and saw a familiar shock of dirty blonde hair. "Uh... You have the CT scan?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, I-"

"Good. Go find Sloan, he's got a surgery for you."

"Really?"

"Yes- now go!"

"Wait, I should fill you in a little on her condition..." They stepped further away and Olivia couldn't hear them anymore.

Olivia sighed. She was undercover. No one was supposed to know she was in law enforcement. She wondered if Meredith recognized her. She wondered what would happen. Hopefully the good doctor would go with it.

A moment later the curtain swooshed and Meredith walked in, chart in hand. Her white lab coat seemed a little big on her and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail... but she seemed different, something about her was different. A good different. Meredith plunked the chart on the foot of the bed and removed the penlight from her labcoat, "I'm just going to do a quick exam," she said, and Olivia submitted to her ministrations. Her moves were quick and professional. "Okay, looks like everything is good here." Then she sat back on the bed, "Persephone is an interesting name," She said finally. "You undercover or something?"

"Or something," Olivia replied, dipping her chin and raising her brows, subtly asking her to keep her secret.

Meredith shrugged. "I'm a doctor. Patient confidentiality and all..."

Relief flooded her. She was already in trouble with the local cops here, she didn't need anymore complications. "Good."

Meredith smiled, "So who's Elliot?"


	9. Chapter 9

Olivia regarded Meredith, surprised at the question, and surprised also at the change she saw in Meredith. It was the first time she'd seen her smile, like a happy smile. But how did she know about Elliot? "How do you know about Elliot?" she asked.

"Lexie says you were mumbling his name in your sleep."

What? Olivia couldn't believe it. "Did I- Did I say anything else?"

Meredith brought a knee up to her chest and shook her head. "So are you on like a secret mission or something?"

"I can't talk about it."

"Drat." A pause. "Well- who is he?"

Olivia sighed... did she want to divulge her feelings to this young brat? "It's complicated," she sighed. Elliot was... she could say she loved him. She could say he loved her. But he was her _partner._ And he'd been married. He had kids. He was divorced now... but their feelings for each other had put them in danger, and had affected their jobs. She couldn't let _them_ happen. "He's my partner," she said simply, hoping that was enough.

"Uh huh." Meredith stated disbelievingly.

"What?"

Meredith shrugged, "He's not just your _partner_ is he?"

Olivia shot a death glare, but Meredith was unfazed. "Look, around here, I'm known for complicated. It's kinda my thing. So... Elliot, you love him?"

"I-Why am I talking about this with you?"

"I don't know, I just think it's kind of crazy you keep popping up in my life. I say skip the formalities and get right to it. You already know more about me than I allow most people to know so..."

"Fine, I tell you this, you have tell me about why you're suddenly happy. And you have a sister?"

"Okay, deal. Well?" Meredith encouraged.

Olivia sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I have feelings for him... and I think he does for me too. But when you're a cop, you can't. You have to compartmentalize. Lives are at stake, and I don't know... I don't know if we can do that."

Meredith sighed loudly, "I know what that's like."

"You do?"

"Well I fell for my boss, who happened to be married and went back to his wife and then he divorced her so things started to get better, but I couldn't trust him, and he wanted things and plans and I couldn't- it was too much so I broke up with him but we had really great break-up sex which turned into sex and mockery, which was really just our pathetic attempts of not letting each other go, and then he started dating a nurse, and I couldn't sleep so I had to figure stuff out about my abandonment issues and about my dead mommy- oh I didn't tell you that- anyway, I realized that if I really loved him, which I did, then I just have to lean into my fear of losing him and try, you know? Just try and trust him, and we're back together because I made a house of candles and-"

Olivia gestured for her to stop. "Ow. My head hurts." Did she even breathe during that freakishly long run-on sentence?

"Oh, sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler." Meredith got up to check her monitors, and sat back down on the bed.

"So you found love," Olivia smiled.

"I think I did." Meredith smiled shyly.

She thought about Meredith's last words to her. 'We all need someone,' she said. And Meredith had found someone. "Your mother died," Olivia said, having just made that realization from the younger woman's ramble.

Meredith swallowed. "Yeah, that was hard..." Suddenly her demeanor changed. "Look, you can't give up on love. I don't know about this Elliot guy... but if you love him, isn't it better to have that love instead of... whatever you have now?"

Instead of answering, Olivia chose to deflect, "Quite the matchmaker aren't you?"

"I had a near death whatever... life is short."

"So tell me about your half sister... Lexie, was it?"

xxx

Meredith huffed. She knew the cop would get to that. "Did you ever wonder..." she swallowed, knowing this was a touchy subject for the cop. "About your father?"

Olivia flinched. "How do you mean?" she asked.

"It's just- My mom left my dad when I was five. We moved to Boston from here... I never saw him again, until now." Meredith jammed her hands into the pockets of her labcoat. "It's complicated... but I felt I shouldn't go through life without finding out about the other side of the story. I mean, was there a drawer of unopened letters somewhere?" She paused and looked away for a moment. "So- yeah, there isn't, and my father was a coward, but he also got remarried and had a wonderful wife and two daughters, who got to grow up with a dad and a mom and probably have smiley face posters on their bedroom walls."

"And one of them is Lexie." Olivia confirmed, she tilted her head, "But you don't like her."

"It's hard to be around someone who represents everything you missed in life." Meredith said. Her feelings for Lexie right now were borderline. Sometimes she hated her guts, sometimes she admired her smarts, sometimes she felt oddly protective. She still didn't know for sure if she _liked_ Lexie, but she supposed she was getting used to the idea of having a sister. "I don't know... all I know is she's persistent."

The two were silent for awhile, Olivia's monitor beeped and Meredith checked on it. "Still have a headache?"

"A little. Talking to you has been distracting."

Meredith nodded. "But really aren't you the least bit curious? I mean I know the guy did an awful thing, and he probably doesn't deserve forgiveness, but..."

"But what?" Olivia asked sharply.

Meredith sighed, looked at her hands and shrugged. "All my life it was me and my mom. If I knew earlier, about Thatcher... even if I hated him, at least I'd have the choice, to let him in my life or not."

Olivia sighed... "I don't know. If I do look for him I'm not sure I could find him. It was a completely random attack. For all I know he could be dead or in jail."

Meredith shrugged. "You're a good cop. If anyone could find him you could."

"Hmm." Olivia replied.

xxx

Olivia's heart to heart with Meredith was interrupted by a swoosh of the curtain. "Dr. Grey," A very handsome man with almost perfect dark hair and brilliant blue eyes stepped up to the foot of the bed. "I've been paging you," Olivia smiled, it almost sounded like a tease.

Meredith flushed slightly and immediately leaped off the bed, searching for her pager, "Dr. Shepherd- I- I must've left it in OR 2"

"You did," he said, and Olivia didn't miss the flirty tone in his voice. Was he the reason Meredith was happy? Dr. Shepherd merely smiled and tossed the pager to her. "How's our patient?" He walked over to the other side of the bed and removed the penlight from his pocket, "Excuse me, I'm just going to do a quick exam,"

"I don't think she'll need surgery," Meredith said, clutching Olivia's chart.

"I think you might be right," Dr Shepherd said as he flashed the penlight into her cornea. "but we'll still have to keep her for observation. Schedule an early morning CT."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith replied, scribbling on the chart.

"Good. And... I'll see you tonight?"

Meredith's pale cheeks flushed again and she offered a coy smile as she tucked the chart into her chest. "Sure... tonight is good."

He smiled back, a special smile that Olivia knew was only for Meredith. "Great." With a whirl of his white coat he was gone.

Olivia chuckled to herself. Well if that was love, she didn't know what was. "Was that him?" she asked. She felt like she was in high school all over again, bugging her friend about her latest crush.

"Yes," Meredith replied.

"Well, are you gonna go for it?"

"Go for what?"

"The next step."

"What's the next step?"

"Umm, well you're dating right?"

"Yeah... so?"

"How long have you known each other?"

"Well, umm, ah more than a year."

"I'll tell you what, if you seriously consider taking the next step with him, I'll consider looking up the other side of my family." Olivia offered.

"Well that's a no-brainer," Meredith said looking down at her.

"Good." Olivia said. She felt tired, and finally pushed the button to lower her bed down a little bit.

"It's okay if you want to sleep, go ahead." Meredith said.

Sighing, Olivia let go and fell into peaceful slumber.

When she woke up, the other Dr. Grey, Lexie was there. When Olivia asked for Meredith, Lexie said that she'd been pulled into a trauma with three men involved in a car accident and wasn't available. The cops were there, and she was released into their custody.

The rest of her time in Seattle had been infuriating as she exposed one thing after another. Finally, Olivia was called back to the NYPD. She was quite relieved at the news.

A few months later, after realizing that Elliot couldn't be the one for her to spend her life with, she decided it was finally time to look up the other side of her family. If only to have the choice, she thought.

 **A/N:** During season 8 of svu, Olivia finds out about her biological father and half brother. Elliot also goes back with Kathy, his wife. Elliot and Olivia still remain partners, however.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** This takes place in season 15 for SVU, When Olivia just received custody of Noah as a foster parent. I haven't been able to keep up or rewatch shows with SVU, so my continuity may be off- so in my story Noah is just over a year old... For Greys we are looking at late season ten.

 **New York City June 2014**

Olivia picked up Noah's diaper bag before scooping up her rambunctious foster son. He was just at that exploring stage, where they can get into everything, so it took him a moment to settle into her hip. She locked the door behind her. "Are you ready for the park Noah?" Olivia asked, smiling. Noah responded by knocking his head into her shoulder and sticking his fingers into his mouth.

"Olivia darling, how are you? And who is this?"

Olivia turned to see her neighbor Carolyn approaching her. "Oh, Carolyn! Hello!" She smiled, "I'm..." she paused. She was great. Wonderful, even. Holding Noah in her arms was the greatest feeling in the world. Her smile spread, "I'm wonderful. And this is my foster son, Noah."

"Oh, he's gorgeous," Carolyn leaned in to catch Noah's attention.

"Yeah," She looked at Noah again and brushed some hair out of his eyes. "Just gonna take him to the park."

"That's lovely. My daughter-in-law is down there with her kids too, it's beautiful out there."

Olivia nodded. Carolyn had just moved in a couple of years ago, 'downsizing' she called it. Although Olivia lived a very busy life and wasn't around the apartment much, Carolyn always seemed to check in on her.

"I'm just going to start dinner," Carolyn said, "You know, you should join us... my son had to run off to some meeting for a big project he's working on... so I have room for another, and a half," she winked at Noah.

"Um," Olivia started, she'd wanted to spend the day bonding with Noah, and wasn't sure she wanted to share it just yet.

"Well, think about it... just knock on the door if you want to come." Carolyn patted her arm and continued down the hall.

Olivia could only be impressed by the woman's hospitality, and happy that she had a neighbor like Carolyn. "Come on Noah," she said, "wanna go on the swing?"

xxx

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, kids were playing, and Meredith was exhausted. First she'd been up all night due to a horrific five-car pile up that caused massive injuries. Then the five hour flight from hell with Bailey screaming in her ear, because of the pressure changes. She had a nap in Carolyn's guest room, which helped, but then Derek got called away for another consult with the NIH and the kids were antsy and begging for attention. When Carolyn mentioned the park just beside her building she decided to take Zola and Bailey there to wear them out a little so they'd behave for dinner. So right now, she was trying to keep her eye on Zola's antics while she sat and played in the sand with Bailey.

Bailey had just figured out that sand was much more interesting when it wasn't in his mouth, and was fascinated by the hole Meredith was digging with the plastic shovel. The game was, you dig a hole, throw a rock in it and cover it back up with sand. A second later, after wondering where the rock went, you dug it out of the sand and buried it again. She'd done this three times now and Bailey wasn't tired of it.

But Meredith was tired now, so she picked her son up and tried to look for something else to do with him. Maybe the swings? There was a set of baby swings in the corner. Meredith looked around for Zola. She'd just seen her go down the slide a moment ago. "Zola?" she called, looking for her familar purple and white striped shirt. "Zola?" Dammit, Where was she?

Meredith walked carefully around the perimeter of the the playground, trying desperately not to panic. "ZOLA!" She called. She couldn't have gone far, right? "ZOLA!"

xxx

Olivia put the diaper bag down by the edge of the swing and plunked Noah in, "There you go." she smiled as she gave it a little push. Noah rewarded her with a little smile and a happy squeal. "Yeah, the swings are fun, aren't they?" She gently pushed the swing again, pleased that he was enjoying this.

She was interrupted however, by a tug on her shirt. A little girl with a purple and white striped shirt looked up at her. "I think I lost my mommy," she said.


	11. Chapter 11

"You lost your mommy?" Olivia asked the girl, her eyes darting around the playground, looking for a panicked mother. "What does she look like?"

The girl shrugged. "She looks like my mommy."

"Okay, but what color shirt was she wearing? Is she tall or short? What color hair does she have?" Olivia asked carefully, picking up Noah from his swing.

"Ummm," the girl looked at her feet and touched a finger to her lips, thinking.

"ZOLA!" A woman cried frantically, and the girl's head snapped up to the sound.

"MOMMY!" Suddenly it was clear that the girl's name was Zola as she took off running in the direction of her mother's cry.

Olivia spotted a slight caucasian woman with a baby on her hips walking quickly toward them. "Zola, I told you to stay near the slide where I was. You scared me half to death, I-" She stopped when she saw Olivia. "No freakin way."

"No feakin way." Zola repeated.

"Zola!"

Zola ducked her head down at her mother's admonishment. Olivia thought the girl must be adopted, although the boy on her hips was obviously hers. Olivia stared blankly at the woman... and then she remembered. "Meredith Grey?"

Meredith gaped at her. "I-what? You-how?... Olivia, right?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile at the woman's stammering. Unbelievable. "What brings you to New York?" She asked. The last she'd seen Meredith was in Seattle, and it seemed that maybe she'd be settling there. Small world.

"Umm, a cranky mother-in-law who wants to see her grandchildren?" Meredith smiled. She looked tired, but glowing, fulfilled. The baby on her hip babbled and stuck his hand in his mouth, watching the exchange.

Meredith's gaze wandered to Olivia's hip where Noah curiously eyed the strangers in front of him. Olivia smiled now too... a big smile, she was so proud. "This is my foster son, Noah," She turned her head to Noah, "Noah, this is Meredith, can you say hi to Meredith?"

"Hiii," Noah said, flapping his hand in a little wave.

"Wow! Hey, hi!" Meredith replied, smiling widely. "This is Bailey, my son. And you met Zola... Zola come here, I want you to meet someone."

The pretty little girl peered out from behind Meredith's legs. "Zola, this is Olivia. Olivia, this is Zola. Say hello."

Zola held her hands together and twisted her torso, "Hel-lo," she sang.

"Hello again Zola."

"Whozzat?" Zola pointed at Noah.

Olivia put Noah down on the ground, he wobbled for a second before gaining his balance. "This is Noah."

"Hi Noah."

Noah shyly wrapped himself around Olivia's leg, although he kept his gaze on Zola.

"So- you live around here?" Meredith asked, pointing in the direction of the apartments. Olivia nodded, reaching down to take Noah's hand before he decided to run away.

Still, she couldn't believe the wonder of it all.

xxx

Meredith was amazed. She watched as Zola and Noah hopped along in the grass playing some game that no one really knew the rules to. Olivia sat beside her on the bench, keeping a careful eye on everyone. Occasionally Noah would find something, a rock or a stick, pick it up and run back to Olivia to show off his treasure. Bailey was content right now on her lap watching the world go by.

She gave Olivia a sidelong glance. So much happened since they last met. A post-it wedding, a shooting, adopting Zola, a plane crash... and Bailey. Olivia seemed much different too, since they last met. The hardness in her eyes was gone. There was still that toughness, but that was from the job, not the past.

Bailey pushed against her, and she set him down at her feet. He still hadn't gotten the hang of walking yet, but he liked to try.

"We grew up," She said finally.

"I suppose so."

"So-uh, Noah... are you gonna keep him?"

Olivia nodded, "I want to...very much."

"He's beautiful. You'll be a great mom."

"Thank you." Olivia acknowledged. "I take it you took the next step?"

"The next step?" Meredith asked.

"Remember our pact?"

Meredith tried to remember... "Oh yeah," she said. "I took the next step, and about a hundred more, now look where I am." She looked down at Bailey, now standing up and babbling nonsensically, then he wobbled and plopped down on his butt. "But what about your end of the deal... and what's - his- name?"

"You were right, I am a good cop. I found my biological father."

Knowing Olivia's past, Meredith wasn't sure that was a good thing. "You-ah, You did?"

Olivia nodded, "More importantly, I have a brother. And a niece," She smiled.

Meredith smiled but looked back out to the park to watch Zola make friends with another little girl as they played some sort of tag game. By now, Noah had come back and was trying to entertain Bailey, showing him a dandelion he picked.

"Lexie died," she said softly.

"What?"

"In a plane crash," she pushed the terrible flashback away.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said sympathetically.

"So what about whats-his-name?" she changed the subject.

Olivia reached down and tickled Noah, "You know? I think I want Noah to be the love of my life."

Meredith laughed, "Can't go wrong there."

xxx

Olivia watched Noah bring Bailey another dandelion.

It was hilarious. He would run out into the grass, rip the small yellow weed out of the ground and run back to the bench where he would throw the weed at Bailey. Bailey would pick it up with his drool covered hands and wave it erratically in the air before trying to put it in his mouth.

Of course Meredith would distract her son, and in the meantime, Noah was already ripping another weed out. Zola noticed this and decided to help the process, picking weeds and handing them to Noah. Except she would pick half a dozen of them at a time, so now Bailey was covered in dandelions. Olivia started to laugh at the sight. Meredith too.

Finally, they caught their breath.

"I forgave my mother," Olivia blurted. The memory was vivid, her standing in front of her mother's gravestone, finally releasing it, giving up whatever it was that blocked her from having peace. "I realized... how hard it was to go through what she went through and... be normal, and I couldn't hate her for it anymore."

Meredith had pulled out a bag of cheerios and gave Bailey a few. She looked back at Olivia, "I forgave my father... it took awhile, but after Lexie died, there just wasn't any point."

Olivia smiled, "We grew up."

"Yeah."

"Oh! Meredith!" A familiar voice called, "I've been trying to call you!"

Olivia looked up to see Carolyn walking toward them. What? Carolyn knew Meredith? "Wait? You know Carolyn?"

But before Meredith could reply, Carolyn butted in, "Oh, I see you've met Olivia, wonderful! Dinner is ready, are you and Noah coming? The offer still stands," she said, smiling graciously.


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith fought off exhaustion. It was easier in the OR. She'd be standing up, a life was on the line. She wouldn't be full of delicious food, sitting down with a glass of wine. She rubbed her eyes and tried to keep up with the conversation. Carolyn was quite interested in Olivia's work, peppering her with questions. Meredith couldn't help but tune it out as she fed Bailey little scoops of mashed potato. She suddenly remembered Zola and looked over to her. She'd fallen asleep on the couch, bits of food still on her mouth as she murmured sleepy snores.

"-isn't that right Meredith?" Carolyn was saying.

"What?" Meredith was pulled back into the conversation.

"Motherhood. You learn quickly."

Meredith smiled, glancing at Olivia, who now had Noah on her lap. "I didn't think I wanted to be a mom... I mean you remember my mother? She was as nurturing as a steaknife. But, then I met Derek, and it didn't seem so... scary." She swallowed, remembering her miscarriage, "I didn't know how much I wanted..." she sighed. "We tried for a long time to have a baby, and then Derek handed Zola to me... and it didn't take very long to fall in love." She turned to Zola, so proud and happy to have her in her life.

"And you adopted her." Olivia stated.

"Yes, we did." Meredith picked up Bailey when he started to fuss. She padded to the living room, needing to collapse on the comfortable couch. Olivia followed with a sleepy Noah.

"I almost lost her," Meredith continued, "I screwed up, big time. I thought I wouldn't get her back, but I did." Bailey squawked, demanding attention."And I didn't even think I would give birth to you!" Meredith tickled her son.

xxx

Olivia watched as Noah quietly played with a wooden toy truck that Carolyn loaned her. The future was looming for her. She was now responsible for a 'tiny human' as Meredith had called him. She knew she could do it... it was just... would she be a good mother? Would Noah turn out okay? There wasn't a father figure in the picture for him yet... would that be alright? Would her love be enough?

"Another meeting Derek?" Meredith's voice traveled from the other room, Olivia couldn't help but overhear. "Tomorrow morning? But what about the zoo? This was supposed to be a vacation... of course I love your mother... dinner was delicious, it was great. It's just... I miss you... Will you be back tonight?... tomorrow. No, it's okay, I'm fine... I'm just tired. Okay, I'll call you when I put the kids to bed so you can say goodnight... I love you." There was a long arduous sigh, and Meredith returned with Bailey on her hip, "Sorry... Derek and I are just... juggling."

Olivia looked back at Noah, she thought about her work. She was in charge of her Unit too. There was a lot on her plate. She sighed, ruffling Noah's head. "I understand..."

"We won't be our mothers right?" Meredith asked.

Olivia chuckled, "Have you seen yourself?"

"What?" Meredith actually sounded confused.

"You handled everything today like a pro... and I can tell you're tired, but you never once ignored or dismissed your children... you knew when they needed you and you were right there."

"Well, besides losing Zola in the park..."

"Zola knew to ask for help, and she knew another mother was the best person she could trust. She came to me and asked for help."

"She did?" Meredith asked, surprised. She looked over at her toddler who was busy organizing a few dolls and toys in a circle.

"Yes."

"Oh." There was silence, except for the sounds of Carolyn finishing the dishes in the kitchen, but Meredith was watching Noah as he trundled the truck along the floor. She opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again... "You want this, don't you?"

"I've... never wanted anything so bad in my life." The bare truth.

After everything was said and done. All the pain she'd endured being her mother's daughter, after nearly being sexually assaulted, after Elliot leaving, after Lewis... Noah Porter was her _completion._ She'd felt it the first day she held him, and more so when the judge offered to let her foster him. He was it. Her job, while important and still a part of her identity... didn't seem to matter in comparison. Noah was... would be... everything.

"Then that's all that matters." Meredith said simply. "As long as he knows you _want_ him, and you love him..." she shook her head. "It's a balance, a huge juggling thing, that sometimes hurts when you can't be there because there's a life on the line, and you're wondering if they're being neglected or something." Meredith's eyes suddenly lit up however, "But you know what Zola said before I got on the plane today?"

"What?"

"She said I was the bestest mommy ever," She grinned, "And that was after her bad morning with soggy cereal and spilt milk, and I had to break a promise to her because of a five car pile-up... so I don't really know what I'm doing, but I must be doing something right, because I don't ever remember saying that to my mother, do you?"

Olivia could only nod at Meredith's words... she used to be thoroughly convinced that she was unlovable, haunted by her mother's past, only finding redemption in solving cases and supporting victims in the fight for justice... Meredith used to be this spitfire brat avoiding responsibility, scared of commitment, scared to trust. But here they were, knee-deep in motherhood, the thing they were afraid of so long ago... and loving it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Carolyn clearing her throat. "I couldn't help but overhear," The older woman said, scooping up Bailey before he could crash Zola's pretend party. "If I may add my two cents, being a mother and a grandmother myself?" She didn't wait for them to answer, "At first it's terrifying, you are so scared you'll do something wrong... but the wonder and newness of that life will always fascinate you. When you see what they can do... what they are capable of doing... when you see _who_ they are becoming everyday, and you are proud of that? Despite your own flaws? Or their own lack of judgement? One day you'll set them free to their own devices and trust that you have raised them well enough to handle life..."

Then she winked, "I've never met your mothers... but I don't have to. It seems that you've already learned what not to do."

xxx

Olivia continued chatting with Carolyn for the next half half hour, as she shared valued mothering tips. But a noise interrupted them. Bailey was sprawled on Meredith's chest as she reclined on the couch, and Zola lay between her legs... All three of them snoring away at intermittent intervals.

"Well, I suppose I should let you go..." Carolyn said softly.

Olivia reached to take Noah's hand, but he walked over to the couch instead, pointing to the sleeping trio. "Sweepy?" he asked.

"Yes," Olivia replied.

Noah ran over to Carolyn's blanket covered recliner and pulled the blanket off, then toddled to the couch. "Banky," he said, trying to lift the blanket over his head.

Olivia wordlessly picked up the blanket, carefully arranging it over them. Meredith stirred at the commotion and she blinked awake, clutching the blanket. "Oh, sorry, I fell asleep."

"It's okay," Olivia said, "You obviously need it."

"Mm."

"Goodbye, Meredith, I'm glad we met."

"Me too, I'll see you later."

"Bye-bye," Noah said, waving goodbye.

"Bye-bye..." Meredith murmured.

A/N: Dedicated to all the moms out there... This story isn't done yet, I do intend at least one more chapter that will follow through to the end of season 11 of Greys... yes the Aftermath of Derek's death. I just feel I need to follow through on this journey.


	13. Chapter 13

Olivia had her head down and was fumbling for her apartment keys when she bumped into somebody. "Oh, sorry," She mumbled as she looked up. "Oh, Carolyn," she said as she saw the older woman. But something was wrong. Carolyn's eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks pallid. "Carolyn?" Olivia asked softly, "What's wrong?"

Her neighbor's usual quick smile did not appear. Her mouth gaped, and her eyes were wet and full. "It's... my son. Derek. There was an accident," Her hand shot to her mouth as she tried to hold back a sob. "He's dead," she finally gasped out. She gave Oliva a small nod and continuing down the hallway, a small suitcase trundling behind her.

Olivia blinked, the news not quite hitting her yet. Then it occurred to her that Derek was Meredith's husband. A dark haired handsome man with twinkling blue eyes. Meredith had shown her a picture the last time she saw her. She opened the door to her apartment and went in, greeting Lucy her Nanny. Sort of in a daze, she barely heard Lucy's update on Noah.

"Mama!" Noah shouted as he ran into the kitchen.

Lucy smiled, "Well, I think he really missed you today." Olivia nodded and said goodbye as Lucy left for the day.

She picked up Noah, still in reflective thought about Carolyn and Meredith. How could this happen? She was so happy... so loved. Olivia sent a quiet prayer to the Shepherd family, before she had to focus her attention back on Noah as he tried to explain all the things he did today.

xxx

It was months later when there was a knock on her door. It was late in the day, not too late though... Noah was already in bed and Olivia was about to enjoy a glass of wine. She put the bottle on the counter and walked to the door, peering into the peephole before opening the door.

"Carolyn?" Olivia greeted. She hadn't expected this.

The older woman was uncharacteristically anxious, ringing her hands, and looking side to side. "Olivia... can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Of course." Olivia opened the door further to let her in. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, that's alright..."

"Carolyn..." Olivia touched her upper arm, "What is it? What happened?"

"I... seem to be having a dilemma." Carolyn paced the room.

"What sort of dilemma?"

"It's Meredith." Carolyn blurted. "I haven't heard from her. No one has heard from her. And her friends... I don't know, they say she's fine but... I-"

"Carolyn you're not making any sense..."

"Meredith left after the funeral. She just left... and I'm worried."

Olivia soaked this information in as she sat down. "I don't see her being irresponsible," she said. "Grief does strange things sometimes."

"I know... Believe me, I know... but I'm worried. Seattle was Meredith's home, everyone that cares about her is there... but she took the kids. I need to know if she's okay, if the kids are okay. She doesn't answer the phone and no one has a clue where she is."

"Are you wanting to file a missing person report?"

Carolyn sighed. "I - I don't know... I don't think she'd like that."

"How long has she been gone?"

"Six months?"

"When was the last time you called?"

"Just now."

"And the phone rang?"

"Yes, but I just got voicemail."

"So it's still in service."

"I suppose so." Carolyn looked up at her, "I realize what I may be asking is... may be illegal or something but... I just need to know that she's okay. That the kids are okay, that's all. I don't need to know where she is or what she's doing- you understand?"

Olivia thought about what Carolyn was really asking. There was a reason she was here and not at the station making a report. Olivia sighed, "Carolyn... I don't know..."

Carolyn got up and nodded. "You're right, I shouldn't get worked up over this, Meredith is a strong woman, I'm sure she's fine. I-I'll go." And just like that she was gone.

xxx

She couldn't sleep. Carolyn's motherly concern for Meredith bothered her. Olivia rolled over in bed, trying to push the thoughts away.

"Mama!" Noah called. His footsteps bounded through the hallway and then he was scrambling on top of the bed and snuggling next to her. She thought about Ellie Porter, Noah's Mother. Her body had been found burned to a crisp. She thought about the many cases she'd worked on where people just vanished. She thought about how happy Meredith seemed, even amidst all her problems. She recalled Bailey covered in dandelions and Zola playing tea party.

Noah was settling in her arms, and Olivia reached for her cell phone, "Fin, I need you to do something for me."

The next morning Fin greeted her outside the precinct with a coffee and piece of paper. Meredith's last credit card bill. Meredith's address was now in San Diego, but it was a post office box. She walked distractedly to her office and thumbed her contact list on her phone, she did know someone in San Diego... "Nick? Hey, how is it down there? Can you do something for me?"

xxx

Meredith rubbed her belly absently as she watched her kids play on the beach. Zola was trying to tolerate Bailey's frequent attempts to flood her castle with miniscule amounts of water, (because he carried the pail so fast he spilled most of the water before he reached his intended target.) She was more than eight months pregnant, due anytime really and was proud that Zola was learning not to pick fights with her brother, because clearly getting up to discipline them was not always the easiest thing to do.

"Zola, don't get too close to the water," she called.

She stopped by the grocery store on her way back to the apartment she rented, she had to get milk and cereal and a few other necessities... except, she had a feeling. As she paid for her groceries, she looked behind. In the line across from her a man paid for a magazine and a newspaper, his eyes shifted away from her for a second, before he turned his attention to the cashier.

She'd seen him before. Yesterday, after she picked up her mail from the post office. He was in there talking to the clerk. This morning she saw him strolling past her little rental house when she went to drop Zola off at the local playschool, and later at the beach she saw him ordering a drink at the concession. Coincidence? Paranoid pregnant hormones? He seemed harmless enough right? But she had a feeling... and she didn't feel like waiting for this one to pass.

Now finished with her transaction at the register, she followed him out the sliding doors before quickly catching up to him. Bailey laughed at the sudden lurch of the shopping cart and Zola picked up the pace beside her, her tiny hands gripping the metal grill of the cart. With a sudden fury, she lurched in front of the man, using the shopping cart to block his path. "Wanna tell me what you're doing?"

"What?"

"Just who do you think you are huh? Following a pregnant lady around? Creep! Seriously. Maybe I should call the cops!"

The man glanced around, "Look, I don't know what you're talking about..."

"You were at the post office, and outside my house and at the beach and now you're here! Stay away from me!" She started to charge off then, huffing with adrenaline.

"Wait! Wait!"

She kept going...

"Olivia sent me alright? Olivia Benson? She's your friend? She said she was worried... you moved away from everybody."

Meredith stopped. "Olivia?" she choked. "New York Olivia?"


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith gaped at the man. He looked at her with a bit of concern but the corner of his lip twitched up as he nodded, "Liv's my old partner, she's a friend. She asked me to look out for you."

"But- How? What?" It occurred to her that Olivia had used her supercop powers to find her and was now definitely Big Sistering her. She pinched her nose and sighed. Then the baby kicked and she grimaced. "Ow."

"Are you okay?" The man asked, quickly concerned.

"I'm fine, I just need to sit down a minute," she puffed.

"Mommy?" Zola asked, tuning into the tension around her.

"It's okay, Zo. Mommy just got a little mad at the man, and now the baby's mad too."

"Baby mad?" Bailey asked as he lunged in his seat in the shopping cart, his hands automatically clutching her breasts. Perv. Meredith thought. Derek Bailey Shepherd is such a perv. I'm going to be raising a perv for a son.

"There's a spot over there..." the man said, pointing to a pair of patio sets parked in the shade of the grocery store.

It wasn't like she had much of a choice, she'd been walking all day, her house being only about a mile radius within everything she needed. "Oh... okay. C'mon Zo, this way."

She sat down, Zola clambering into the chair next to her. Bailey seemed pleased as punch to remain in his chair in the cart. Awkwardly, Meredith leaned back in the chair, her hand making soothing circles over the enormous bump that was Derek's last gift to her. Or curse, but only sometimes.

"I'm Nick, by the way," The man said, offering his hand for a handshake. "I'm sorry about the following thing- Liv just called me out of the blue, and-"

"It's okay Nick," Meredith breathed, releasing his hand. He seemed genuinely apologetic. "You can tell her I'm fine. I just needed some space..." she started when Nick's phone beeped.

He looked down at it smiled, "Actually, you can tell her yourself."

"Huh?"

"Hi Meredith," a voice said beside her and she looked over to see the older woman striding over to them, her expression happy but worried. Olivia. Olivia freaking Benson had followed her across the freaking country. What the hell?

"And that's my cue..." Nick said. "Nice to meet you. Cute kids by the way. Liv, text me later and I'll pick you up?"

"Sure," Olivia said, but her eyes were on Meredith.

Later, Meredith would attribute her reaction to hormones and achy swelling feet, but in this very moment she couldn't help the rising tide of anger at the woman. What part of 'I'm fine. The kids are fine, we're fine.' Didn't people get? She just wanted _S-P-A-C-E_ okay? "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She snapped at Olivia, "Can't _you people_ just leave me alone? Can't I just-" Her words were muffled by a small dark hand covering her mouth.

"Momma, no yelling," Zola reminded her, climbing onto Meredith and pushing her lips closed with her small fingers

Meredith gently pried Zola's hands off her mouth, "I'm sorry Zo, Momma's just not being a very good example today huh?" She fumbled with her daughter as she tried to find a spot for her on her lap. Finally Zola slid into place on one knee, while she watched Olivia curiously.

"Hi."Zola said.

"Hi," Olivia smiled back.

Meredith huffed. "Sorry," she mumbled, a little embarassed that her own daughter had to remind her of manners

"It's fine..." Olivia said, offering a half smile.

"So how did you find me? How did you know?" she asked. Her relationship with Olivia was happenstance- they just crossed paths at certain points in their lives. She hadn't really mentioned Olivia to her friends except maybe in passing - but, "Oh, Carolyn." she said, answering her own question. Of course it made sense now.

Olivia nodded, leaning forward on the chair, her hands on her knees, "I wasn't going to come but-" her voice caught just slightly. She shook her head, "I knew you probably wanted to be alone, to process... grieve." Olivia said, "But the work I do- the things I've seen, I guess I just wanted to see that you're really alright."

Meredith nodded in understanding. "I'm alright," she said softly. "I'm alive and kicking... and-" The baby inside her moved again, causing her to stop and slide her hand down her abdomen. "She's kicking... wanna feel?" Without waiting for Olivia to respond, she took her hand and put it high on her rounded tummy.

"Oh." Olivia said, as the baby kicked again.

"Yeah, you're lucky Noah didn't use your insides as a punching bag."

"You said she."

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "It's a girl." A shuddering pang of grief dipped in her. "She's what gets me through."

"Good," Olivia soothed, now rubbing Meredith's arm.

They remained there silent for awhile, until Bailey interrupted. "Mommy?" he asked.

"Oh, you're probably hungry huh?" Meredith put Zola down and stood up to grab her bag in the cart. She handed him a snack sized container of cucumbers. "Zola, want some cucumbers?"

"Yeah!" Zola said.

Meredith plucked out a few slices of cucumbers for her eldest and popped one in her mouth too.

She sat back down, regarding her friend carefully. There was an ache in her heart that she hadn't noticed was there until Olivia showed up. Until now, she took comfort in the fact that no one knew her here. She didn't have to explain everyday how she felt, she wasn't constantly reminded that half of herself- her best half- was missing. No one knew her, so no one had to care. But now Olivia was here, and she knew the other life that Meredith had, the one she left, and...

"I miss him sooo much," she said quietly.

"I know."

"I came home, and looked around, and... I couldn't be in that house anymore. I couldn't live there without him in it. I couldn't sleep in the bed without him beside me... I couldn't go to work and-" Meredith choked back a sob. "He's gone, and he's not coming back."

"I know."

"I don't know why- I just- I couldn't stay in Seattle anymore. Everyone probably hates me..."

"Meredith," Olivia said softly, "It's okay, really."

"Yeah?" she squeaked, wiping her tears.

"They're your family. They're worried, but they'll understand. Whatever you choose to do, they'll understand."

Meredith sniffed again.

"Momma miss dadda?" Bailey asked.

"Yes," Meredith said. She stood and picked up her son, hugging him tightly and kissing his rosy cheeks. "But Momma's going to be okay."

"You will," Olivia said. She stood up too. "Listen, Meredith, my work here is done. I know you've got this. I'll tell Carolyn you're okay and that you'll contact her when you're ready."

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief and lowered Bailey down on the ground so he could toddle around. "That would be-" But she was caught off guard by the firm tight hug from Olivia. It was unexpected. "Oh," she said. It had been a long time since she'd been hugged by an adult, and it felt so needed. "I'm glad you came," she said honestly. She'd been angry at first, because the bubble she'd been living in had been popped, and now she was reminded that people did love and care and worry about her. But the anger dissipated when she realized she'd forgotten how much she needed to talk and share and...feel.

"I'm glad I found you," Olivia replied. She reached in her back pocket, "Here's my card, call or text me anytime, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"I'm meeting Nick for dinner, and then I'm catching the red eye back to New York."

"Okay," Meredith said, turning the card over in her hands, "See you later," that pretty much summed up their relationship. They'd see each other, later.

"See you." Olivia smiled.

"Bye!" Zola waved. Bailey seemed much too interested in the ants that were now gathering around his dropped slice of cucumber.

"Bye-bye," Olivia also waved.

xxx

"So... You were looking out for your friend," Nick said, chomping down on his quesidilla. "I don't remember you ever mentioning her, or seeing her before."

Olivia shrugged, "We just... ran into each other at important times in our lives." It was uncanny really, how fate had spun them together when they needed a friend, or a push, or help. "Meredith saved my mother's life almost twenty years ago."

Nick's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

She felt almost wistful, recalling all of this. "Yeah, and then her mom went missing and I was in charge of her case..." she continued. "After that, it seemed kind of pointless to erect walls and not share things about ourselves." She took a bite of her steak and savoured it.

"Yeah... guess it would," Nick agreed. "So... she's okay?"

Olivia sighed, "Grief stricken, pregnant, hormonal... but she'll be okay. She's strong."

"I don't know how anyone gets through losing a spouse... I mean, a divorce is hard enough, but at least you know they're alive. At least you can call'em, see if they're okay, talk to 'em."

"It's not easy..." Olivia murmured. Although she didn't exactly lose the love of her life. When Elliot left, she knew what it felt like to lose someone's _presense._ They knew each other so well, they knew each other's thoughts and feelings. Knew what the other was going to do before they did it. On the job, Elliot was as essential to her as eating and drinking. Losing Elliot left her unbalanced, and she struggled for quite awhile to gain her equilibrium. So, in that sense she understood how Meredith felt, why she did what she did. She had to learn how to walk all over again.

They finished eating, talking casually about the gang back in New York, Nick's rehab plans and the possibility of moving to LA.

He asked about Noah, and she smiled, filling him on every detail of her now officially adopted son.

"Well, I'll drive you to the airport." Nick offered after they split the bill.

"Okay."

As they pulled out of the parking lot, Olivia jerked her head at the police scanner on the dash, she'd forgotten to ask him about it before. "What's that for?" she asked.

"Oh this?" Nick said, he flicked it on, and the familiar radio static and cop chatter filled the car. "I get bored sometimes, just wonder what's going on."

"Mm." Olivia said. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes.

The radio cackled and cracked. "Ambulance needed at 125 Oceanview drive, possible pregnancy complications. Please be advised child and toddler are on scene with mother..."

That's sad, Olivia thought... Wait. "Nick, what's Meredith's address?" She asked, bolting up in her seat.

"125- Crap!" He shouted. "Oceanview drive, it's only a couple blocks from here, we can beat the ambulance!"

Suddenly the car sped up as he looked for a safe place to pull a U-turn. Olivia sucked in her breath. Meredith was in serious trouble.


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia knocked loudly on the door at 125 Oceanview drive. It swung open suddenly.

"My Mommy! She's bleeding!" a panicked Zola greeted her.

"It's okay, sweetie" Olivia soothed, "The ambulance is on the way, where is she?"

"Over here-" Zola grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. Olivia quickly glanced and Nick- "Go find her son, and keep a lookout for the ambulance."

"Got it." He replied, walking swiftly down the hallway.

Zola led her to the kitchen, and a sudden panic filled Olivia when she saw Meredith lying on her side, blood pooling on the floor under her.

"Zola, stay by the door and watch for the Ambulance okay?" she directed.

Zola nodded, but she couldn't tear her gaze from her mother. "Mommy..."

"I'm-I'm okay Zozo, do what Olivia said." Meredith said weakly, grimacing in pain. Zola obeyed and stood on a chair to watch through the window.

Olivia couldn't believe Meredith was still conscious. She kneeled down at her side. "Meredith, it's me, I'm here... What can I do?"

"Placental abruption, I think..." Meredith started, rubbing her abdomen and wincing again. "Just...please stay here."

Olivia looked around, maybe there was a first aid kit around or something? She just wanted to help- Suddenly there was a pressure on her forearm, she looked back at Meredith, who was shaking her head, "Nothing... you can do," she whispered. "Just wait-" Her tear-filled eyes were flashed with pain, "I'm scared."

Olivia took Meredith's hand in both of hers, "It's okay, I'm right here. The ambulance is coming any minute... Nick is watching the kids." She glanced up and saw Nick at the window with a sleepy Bailey in his arms, while Zola pressed her nose against the window.

"Okay..." Meredith breathed. "Ohh..." she whimpered.

Olivia felt her hand being crushed, but it didn't bother her. She moved into a more comfortable position to soothe her friend. Meredith was blinking slowly, her skin was clammy and cold from blood loss. "Talk to me Meredith." _Tell me something,_ she thought. _Stay awake._

"Do you have supercop powers?"Meredith asked. "How...?"

Olivia smiled slightly, "A good cop doesn't reveal her sources," she winked.

"Oh... damn," Meredith said, in a slight smile. She winced again, took a breath, and looked back at Olivia. "How's Noah?"

She thought of her young son, her light. Her love. "He's great... they grow up so fast."

"Yeah," Meredith said, her gaze drifting for a moment.

"Meredith," Olivia touched her cheek, bringing her back.

"Bailey's a perv," she said. "Always grabbing my boobs."

"Oh?" Olivia chuckled. "Will I have to use my supercop powers when he's a teenager?"

"I hope not... Maybe... it's just a phase."

Meredith winced again. "Owwww," she exclaimed, curling into a tighter ball. Suddenly her breathing changed, her breaths became more rapid and shallow. "Livia... I can't... lose this baby"

"Hey," Olivia said loudly, forcing herself into cop mode for a moment. "You won't, Meredith. You're one of the strongest people I know," She pressed Meredith's hand firmly.

"What if I-"

"You won't, Meredith. You have to live, you have to raise your children. Don't give up."

Meredith seemed to calm down for a second, as she seemed to be gathering strength for another battle. "Say it again," she pleaded.

"Don't give up, Meredith. Your children need you."

Meredith nodded, but it was clear that she was trying to conserve her strength. Olivia stroked her forehead and murmured comforting words to her.

"Ambulance is here!" Nick called suddenly.

"Mommy, Ambulance!" Zola said, running toward her mother. Olivia wanted to keep her away from the mess, but Meredith shook her head. She pulled her hand from Olivia's grasp and reached for her little girl. "Zo... the ambulance is going to take momma to the hospital to get fixed okay?"

Zola nodded seriously. Meredith glanced at Olivia, then back at her daughter, "Zola, this is Olivia... do you remember Olivia?"

She nodded, a finger on her lips.

"She's going to watch you and Bailey while the doctors fix me, okay?" She struggled to stay awake, "You listen to her and the nice man... You do what they say."

"Mommy, I'm scared."

"Mommy needs you to not be scared... Be brave."

"Like Simba?"

Meredith swallowed, "Yes... like Simba..."

Just then the paramedics arrived, a stretcher already in tow as they bent to assess Meredith's condition. Olivia reached for Zola, "Hey Zola, these men are going to take your mom to the hospital, and we're going to follow them okay?"

"Mommy!"

"Shh, it's alright, remember what she said?"

Zola nodded, but still sniffed.

"It's okay Zola..." Meredith murmured as the paramedics removed the blood pressure cuff from her and rolled her onto the stretcher.

xxx

Olivia paced with Bailey sleeping in her arms while the doctors operated on Meredith. Nick had left her to go to his night security job, but he promised to come back and pick her up when she was done here. Beside her, Zola crouched on her knees playing with her doll absently.

"What kind of doll is that?" she asked. It was definitely a doll that she'd never seen before. It seemed to have removeable parts.

"Natomy Jane."

"Oh..."

"See... look," Zola's tiny fingers nimbly removed the abdomen plate, revealing all the organs underneath.

"Ohh, that's neat," she remarked. She sat down on the chair beside her and watched as Zola removed the tiny pieces inside.

"This is the slivvy," she said, lifting up a squiggly piece.

"Oh," Olivia said. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to another piece, which looked like the stomach.

"That's the chubble."

"The chubble?"

"Thats where the food goes when you eat it," Zola explained.

"Mmm." Olivia said, Bailey was stirring awake now. She laid him down on the chairs on the other side.

"And this is the Jelly Pouch!"

Olivia smiled and nodded. Meredith had managed to raise such good kids.

"Excuse me? Olivia Benson?" Someone called.

Olivia turned and saw a woman in scrubs approaching her. "That's me, how is she?"

xxx

Meredith struggled to open her eyes, the tiredness covered her like a heavy blanket. She smacked her lips and groaned, shifting in the bed. For a few minutes she drifted in that space between awake and dreaming, as the past few hours came back to her. "Zola..." she murmured, remembering her daughter's pained cry.

"Momma?"

Zola's voice pulled her into consciousness. She blinked, and saw a familiar dark head, her hair in two puffy pigtails. She felt the small pressure of her daughter's hand on hers and she managed a small smile, "Zola, hi," she rasped. She reached out and pulled her daughter closer to her, knowing that Zola needed to know she was okay. "Mommy's better now, Zola."

"Thirsty?" another voice asked.

Meredith blinked a couple more times to see Olivia standing at her side. "Please."

A plastic cup with a straw materialized in front of her, and she sucked down the water greedily, "My baby?" she asked.

Olivia beamed. "She's perfectly healthy," she said. "The nurses are bringing her now."

A surge of emotion overwhelmed her and she burst into tears, clutching Zola even tighter. Lying on that floor, bleeding... she'd been terrified, and so scared for Zola, saddened that she had to see her mother in so much pain and distress. "I thought-"

"But you didn't," Olivia said.

Meredith smiled. "No, I didn't." She stroked Zola's head. "Thanks... for being there, using your supercop powers. I don't know..." Her breath caught, "I didn't want to be alone," she blurted tearily.

"I'm glad I could be there," Olivia replied honestly.

They were interrupted by the squeak of the cart that carried the baby. A nurse pushed it up to the bed beside Meredith. She scooped the baby up and handed her to Meredith. "Here's your baby, Dr. Grey. Six pounds, four ounces." Meredith trembled before holding the tiny bundle, but when the baby was settled in her arms, and she pushed the blankets away to clearly see her baby's face, she knew that there was nothing to be afraid of. As if to confirm this, the little baby girl in her arms yawned, opened her eyes very slightly and jerked her arm, her tiny fist catching Meredith's thumb.

"Baby okay?" asked Zola, leaning over to look into the pink bundle.

Meredith grinned from ear to ear, "She's perfect, Zozo." She carefully pulled back more of the swaddling blanket, counting fingers and toes, and feeling her daughters chest rise and fall under her hand.

Olivia brought a curious Bailey over to the bed. "Baby?" he asked, poking his new little sister.

"That's your little sister Bails, it's a girl."

She sighed as an odd mixture of feelings reached her. Grief, for starters, that Derek was gone, that he couldn't share in this with her. He would have been ecstatic, and so very, very proud. Contentment, now that her earlier fears of something terrible happening to her or her daughter had disappeared, she could now rest in peace with her little one. Uncertainty, for the future... she would be raising three kids alone... but also a stunning wave of peace, as she gazed at the newest member of the family, she saw Derek in her, and she felt him around her, as if he was whispering soothing comfort in her ear. It was okay. Everything... will be alright.

Olivia cleared her throat, "Do you have a name in mind?" she asked.

Ever since she found out her baby was a girl, she knew what she would name her. "Ellis," she said.

"After your mother?" Olivia sounded surprised.

Meredith smiled. "I used to hate her. I was so angry at her... for a lot of things," she blinked away the flashback of her mother's blood on the kitchen floor. "She wasn't a very good mother, but... she was strong. She raised me, alone... the only way she knew how." Naming her daughter Ellis was a two pronged reminder that she could raise her daughter alone, and that she wouldn't be like her mother in doing so.

"You turned out alright," Olivia said, with a nod of encouragement.

Meredith's arms were getting tired. "Wanna hold her?" she asked Olivia.

"Are you sure?"

"Please..." Meredith lifted Ellis up.

Olivia held the tiny bundle very carefully. Then she sniffed, and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Are you okay?" asked Meredith.

Olivia swallowed, "How could my mother not want this?"

Meredith didn't have an answer. "It doesn't matter anymore," she said softly.

"Yeah. You're right." Olivia replied. "I officially adopted Noah."

"What? That's wonderful!"

"Yeah..."

They lapsed into comfortable silence as Zola and Bailey snuggled with her and Olivia rocked Ellis. Bailey shifted in her arms and clutched her breast for comfort.

"Perv!" Meredith whispered loudly. She turned her head to Olivia, "Are you gonna arrest him? He's being a perv," she said jokingly.

"Unfortunately, we really can't prosecute until he's over the age of twelve."

"Lucky you," Meredith said to her son.

Olivia smiled and sighed loudly as she stood up with Ellis. Meredith reached out to take the baby in her arms again. Ellis was squawking now, and Meredith knew what that cry meant, feeding time.

Afterwards, she fought back sleep as weariness began to overtake her.

"Dr. Grey?" A nurse appeared, "Your husband is here."

Husband? Meredith thought, then she realized she must have meant Alex. She'd put him on as her Emergency contact. Meredith nodded, not seeing the point in arguing.

"Husband?" Olivia asked.

"Oh. No... Alex is a friend," she smiled slightly. "He's my Person."

"Ah." Olivia nodded in understanding. She looked at her watch, "It's late," she said. "Are you going to be alright now?"

"Yeah... You know me, I pull through."

"You do."

"Olivia?"

"Meredith."

She wanted to offer her some kind of assurance. "You turned out alright too."

"Thanks," Olivia said. "You have my number, we'll keep in touch this time."

"Okay. See you later."

"See you later." And with that Olivia stepped out. For a second Meredith pondered how this had all happened, but she was too tired really. She decided to chalk it up to Someone Out There was looking out for them.

And then Alex walked in the door, and sudden relief hit Meredith. She wanted to go home.

 **A/N:** Whew! Epilogue up next!


	16. Epilogue

Dedicated to Mandyg67! Thanks for all your support!

 **A/N:** 20 Years later!

 **NEW YORK 2035**

Bailey Shepherd nodded at the server and picked up a champagne flute from the proffered tray. He sighed and shifted in his tux, it felt so uncomfortable. He sighed and scanned the lively crowd of Harper Avery nominees and their guests. Where was she?

"Hey." A familiar voice whispered in his ear.

"Ellis," He said, "Have you seen mom?"

His younger sister shook her head, "I thought I saw her talking with someone from Mass Gen... but I don't know anymore. Have you seen Zo?"

"No," He said, taking a sip of the champagne and scrunching up his face. He was still trying to acquire the taste of wine.

"Where's Mom?" Zola asked, approaching from the other side.

"You haven't seen her either?" Bailey asked. Crap.

"Relax, she's probably fine..." Zola said. "Let her enjoy this, she won a Harper Avery and practically cured diabetes."

"I know," Bailey muttered. He sighed, "she had a lot of wine though..."

"Hey, we could ask that security officer..." Ellis pointed to a young dark haired man in the corner, "He's kinda cute," she said, biting her lip. "C'mon, Zo- lets check this guy out."

xxx

Noah Porter Benson checked his watch and scanned the crowd again. It was a simple summer job, security. His mother reccomended it while he went to school at Colombia. But it was boring. And this event was boring. One more hour though...

"Scuse'me," a woman approached. She was older, with a slight frame and wore a long strapless lavender dress. She looked a little familiar somehow. He nodded at her.

"Ma'am," he said.

She scrunched her face into what could've been a scowl at that, "Iss Doctor."

"Of course."

"Yeah... so Imma little losss... whars the baathroom?"

He smiled, she definitely had a little to much wine, he thought. He jerked his thumb down the hall. "First door on the right."

She swallowed, and clutched her belly. "Ugh. Thaans." and with surprising grace for someone as inebriated as she, she walked past him.

He shook his head slightly and continued to keep an eye on things. A few minutes later, two young women strode purposely up to him. What now?

"Hey," the younger brunette said, "Have you seen our Mom? She's about this tall, blondish grey hair and she was wearing a lavender dress?"

"Oh, yeah..." Noah said, "She went down that way-" He pointed down the hall. "The restroom, first door on the right."

The dark skinned girl sighed and rolled her eyes... "I'll go check on her."

xxx

Ellis watched Zola go down the hall, thankful her big sis would take care of Mom for now. Not like Mom needed help, she'd been doing great, fantastic even. Winning the Harper Avery tonight though had totally shocked her, and Ellis thought her mother just wasn't used to all the attention. But now, she was here, at this award thingy and she was a little bored.

She looked up at the security officer. He was tall, broad shouldered and...hot. She should say something. Something not stupid. "So..." she said, biting the corner of her lip, "Moms huh?" _Stupid stupid stupid..._

To her surprise, the man snorted, "Tell me about it. My mom _was_ the Chief of Police."

Ellis shook her head. "That's nothing, my mom almost got blown up."

He raised a dark eyebrow, his eyes lighting up with curiosity. "Really?"

xxx

 **Next Morning:**

Meredith sat in the crowded booth with her kids. She picked up the menu's and passed them around for everyone to look at. Although she already knew what she wanted.

"Really Mom?" Zola asked scrunching her nose at the falling apart ambiance around them. They were in a diner... A diner that must've been a hundred years old.

"It's just what we do..." she said. "This is where I meet up with Olivia when I'm in New York. So... get used to it. Besides, I need my grease." This earned a snort from Bailey and a glower from Zola.

"Whatever," Meredith sighed. She was still a little hung over and a little in shock over last night. She couldn't believe it. She won a freakin Harper Avery! She took a moment to look at all her kids and see how grown up they were. It was hard to imagine she'd only been a couple years younger than Ellis when she'd stumbled after her mother for this event only to be blown off.

She could never blow her kids off like that. Ever.

She looked at Ellis and smirked... "So, someone was busy last night..."

"Mom!" Ellis' face flushed.

"So who was tall dark and handsome?"

"Nobody, we just went for coffee."

"Uh huh."

"Coffee!"

"Well did you at least kiss or something? Details, I need details!"

"I am not telling my _mother_ details about my dating life!"

Meredith playfully pouted, it was fun teasing her daughter. But seriously, who was that guy? He seemed familiar somehow. She looked at her watch, Olivia should be here any minute. This was the first time she'd see her kids in probably fifteen years. While the two of them had met occasionally or sent a few emails, life had been pretty busy for both of them and it'd been hard to keep in touch. Still, she wanted to impart this with her kids... this place, this diner where Olivia plied her with coffee and fries and Big Sistered her.

She wanted her kids to know that it was okay to trust people... it was okay to make friends, even if you might not see them for a long time, because sometimes you just pick up where you left off.

She cleared her throat. "Um... guys," they stopped their bickering. "I, um... I'm proud of you all okay? Even if you screw up or do stupid things. I want you to know that..."

"We know mom," Bailey said.

xxx

"You okay?" Olivia asked her son as she walked beside him. They were about a block away from the diner.

"Yeah," He smiled.

"So who was that girl?"

"Uh..." Noah's tanned face turned a slght pink. "We just went for coffee."

"I know... Was she nice? Is she going to stay here?"

"I don't know," he said.

Olivia shook her head. Boys.

"So we're meeting your friend?" he asked as they opened the door to the diner.

"Yeah, Mer and I go way back-"

"Oh God, Ma it's her!"

"What?" Olivia looked to the corner booth where Noah pointed. Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor. Meredith Grey and three young adults who were obviously Zola, Bailey and Ellis.

Meredith beamed when she saw them, then Zola leaned in and whispered something in her ear. "Wait," she said, gesturing to Noah. " _He's_ tall dark and handsome?"

When she said that, Ellis turned in her seat and nearly dropped the cup of coffee in her hands. Her face was as red as a tomato, "Oh my God," she gasped.

Olivia and Meredith shared an incredulous look, then burst out laughing.

xxx

They watched their 20-something year old kids engrossed in conversation at the booth. They had already retreated to the counter, to give their kids some space.

Meredith looked at Ellis, and sighed. "I can't believe I sat in that same booth, that long ago."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "I can't believe we're sitting here now."

"I know," Meredith said. " _All_ of us."

"Yeah..." Olivia smiled though, a small lazy smile. "We did it." She held up her coffee cup.

"We did it." Meredith replied, she raised her cup and clinked it against her own.

They did it. They grew up. They watched their kids grow up. And they outgrew the pain of the past. As the two women watched their kids interact they knew one thing for sure... they were not at all like their mothers.

 _-Fin-_


End file.
